Joke 669

21 Jan

Some thoughts on drinking:

Alcohol!

Alcohol! (Photo credit: Lynda Giddens)

  • Beauty is in the hands of the beer holder.  Anonymous
  • What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?  W.C. Fields
  • Work is the curse of the drinking classes.  Oscar Wilde
  • My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.  Henny Youngman
  • Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.  Robert Benchley
  • You know what alcoholics call New Year’s Eve? Amateur night.  Elmore Leonard
  • An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.  Dylan Thomas
  • Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel doesn’t go nearly as well with pizza.  Dave Barry
  • The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.  William Butler Yeats
  • 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.  Stephen Wright
  • I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.  Brendan Behan
  • Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.  Dave Barry
  • The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it – they’re the ones falling down the most.  Jay Leno
  • Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  Ernest Hemingway
  • You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.  Dean Martin

Source: all over the internet

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10 Responses to “Joke 669”

  1. siggiofmaine January 21, 2013 at 04:03 #

    It was fun to see the different jokes, some from back in the day…thanks.

    Like

  2. jmgoyder January 21, 2013 at 04:04 #

    Yup!

    Like

  3. terry1954 January 21, 2013 at 04:09 #

    haha too funny this one!!

    Like

  4. slpmartin January 21, 2013 at 05:35 #

    I like the one about Grandmother the best. 🙂

    Like

  5. vivinfrance January 21, 2013 at 09:13 #

    I like the Dylan Thomas one – a dig at hypocrisy?

    Like

  6. bevchen January 21, 2013 at 09:18 #

    Good ones.

    My dad has a glass with the quote “I only drink when I’m with someone… or when I’m alone”. No idea who said it though…

    Like

  7. viveka January 21, 2013 at 12:30 #

    You know what alcoholics call New Year’s Eve? Amateur night. _ must be an alcoholic then, because this is what I have said in all years ….. great post and great quotes, I will pour out my whiskey straight away. *smile

    Like

  8. lanceleuven January 21, 2013 at 14:39 #

    Some excellent ones there!

    Like

  9. sharechair January 21, 2013 at 22:18 #

    I am dutifully working on my bone density. I’ll do what I have to do.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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