Joke 673

25 Jan

We haven’t had any Tim Viners for a while, so here they are:

  • I’ll tell you what makes my blood boil…crematoriums.
  • I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.  I thought, ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’
  • I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past.  It was a bit choppy.
  • Did you know if a stick insect laid its eggs in a jar of Bovril, it will give birth to a litter of Twiglets?
  • I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, ‘How many potatoes would you like Tim?’  I said, ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one, please.’ She said, ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’  ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’
  • You know, I’m not very good at magic – I can only do half of a trick.  Yes – I’m a member of the Magic Semi-circle.

22 Responses to “Joke 673”

  1. judithatwood January 25, 2013 at 04:24 #

    😎 Good post!


  2. siggiofmaine January 25, 2013 at 04:29 #

    I do love the way you think…great post…I’d sigh, but I don’t have a big enough sigh for some of these…which I will pass on to others to enjoy…and sigh about !


  3. bevchen January 25, 2013 at 08:52 #

    Love the magic semi circle 😀


  4. vivinfrance January 25, 2013 at 09:20 #

    Every one a cracker!


  5. thehutts January 25, 2013 at 10:39 #

    I love twiglets but this has put me off them! Sally


  6. viveka January 25, 2013 at 11:59 #

    Tilly, i’m lost again … don’t understand anything – so I go and hide for a couple of hours.


  7. sharechair January 25, 2013 at 14:52 #

    Consider my American Stomach turned…


  8. hattie January 25, 2013 at 17:20 #

    Thanks for the laughs!


  9. slpmartin January 25, 2013 at 19:28 #

    Got a chuckle from some of these.


  10. sanstorm January 25, 2013 at 23:17 #

    I liked the “stupid cow” one. What’s wrong with me?


  11. Grannymar January 30, 2013 at 20:26 #

    Now I know why I never liked Twiglets.


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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