How to Write Good
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
3. Employ the vernacular.
4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Remember to never split an infinitive.
7. Contractions aren’t necessary.
8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
9. One should never generalize.
10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
12. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
13. Be more or less specific.
14. Understatement is always best.
15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
17. The passive voice is to be avoided.
18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
20. Who needs rhetorical questions?
21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
22. Don’t never use a double negation.
23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
24. Do not put statements in the negative form.
25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
28. A writer must not shift your point of view.
29. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)
30. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.
32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
37. Always pick on the correct idiom.
38. The adverb always follows the verb.
39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.
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I enjoyed all of these…very funny!
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Brilliant!
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Off to dream land…will be dreaming of all the wrong things to write !
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Oh dear! I’m cooked!
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LOL! I love this one. I overuse parentheses on a regular basis.
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Really? (!)
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As a rule, all generalities are wrong….
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Good one! Can’t they believe they missed that one 🙂
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I’m so happy I’m Swedish .. and this does not apply to me.- at least that is what I have decided. I stick to my Swenglish, becuase I’m good at it!!!!!!!!.
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Good idea 🙂
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These are all wonderful. How many are original Tillyisms?
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Not one! But thank you for the compliment 😀
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Awesome list! I was hooked at alliterations!
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This was so entertaining! I just wrote a hand written to page letter yesterday to a Soldier in the AAUSS program and I was trying to be witty- I will save this! Thanks!
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loved it!!!!
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I didn’t not like this. 🙂
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Every English teacher needs this list! LOL!
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Reblogged this on retiredruth Life in the 50's and beyond and commented:
I have been reading books about how to improve writing skills… so this was a nice bit of comic relief! Enjoy and thanks to The Laughing Housewife…..
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Excellent! Although, I’m guilty of many of these (like starting a sentence with a conjunction for example, or using parenthetical remarks)…
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😀
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Wonderful — funny and helpful at the same time!
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I’m off to study my blank page!!
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