Joke 684

Quotes from the great Phyllis Diller

English: Phyllis Diller portrait (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

• Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
• Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing.
• A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
• The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
• Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: eat out.
• A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.  [Everyone’s heard that before but I thought you’d like to know the source]
• I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
• Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
• Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
• Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
• Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
• We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
• Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Thanks to Terry for letting me lift this from her blog.  More tomorrow.