Joke 684

5 Feb

Quotes from the great Phyllis Diller

English: Phyllis Diller portrait

English: Phyllis Diller portrait (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
  • Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing.
  • A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
  • The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
  • Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: eat out.
  • A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
  • Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.  [Everyone’s heard that before but I thought you’d like to know the source]
  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
  • Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
  • Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
  • Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
  • Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
  • We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
  • Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Thanks to Terry for letting me lift this from her blog.  More tomorrow.

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12 Responses to “Joke 684”

  1. jmgoyder February 5, 2013 at 05:03 #

    Ha – I remember her!

    Like

  2. siggiofmaine February 5, 2013 at 05:03 #

    Oldies but goodies…thanks. ☺

    Like

  3. slpmartin February 5, 2013 at 05:23 #

    I have always been in love with humor of Phyllis Diller!

    Like

  4. Three Well Beings February 5, 2013 at 06:18 #

    Phyllis was a special lady! I really loved her humor. I found myself reading this hearing her voice in my head. Good choice!

    Like

  5. viveka February 5, 2013 at 10:15 #

    Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. – have been one of my favorite quotes for years … nice to have a face to go with it.
    Some brilliant quotes here.

    Like

  6. mairedubhtx February 5, 2013 at 14:35 #

    She had some great jokes.

    Like

  7. Grannymar February 5, 2013 at 15:48 #

    Always enjoyed Phyllis Diller.

    Like

  8. Hattie February 5, 2013 at 20:17 #

    I love her. I’m from San Francisco, where she started out, and used to hear her on the radio before she became a big star. That was in the 50’s. Oh my, I am old!

    Like

  9. robincoyle February 5, 2013 at 20:28 #

    I forgot how funny she was.

    Like

  10. Dana February 6, 2013 at 04:25 #

    The first one is my motto! 😉

    Like

  11. Perfecting Motherhood February 8, 2013 at 19:33 #

    Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shovelling the walk before it stops snowing. Haha, story of my life!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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