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Shower Power

6 Feb

The question was once asked, How long do you think you could go without a shower?

I would answer, It depends on the shower.

En la ducha xD

En la ducha xD (Photo credit: Little Phoenix ♥)

  • Bathroom Shower: I went for weeks without a shower while the bathroom was re-fitted.  I can go at least every other day now it’s back; it’s not like I ever get dirty cleaning the house, is it?  I could move to Antarctica: on base there, you are only allowed to take two, two-minute showers a week.
  • April showers: I can manage from May to March without breaking a sweat.
  • Meteor showers: I’d like to see one, but from a distance; so I would have to say ‘indefinitely’.
  • Showers of blessings: I’d like them all the time.
  • Cold showers: Too tired to ever need one.
  • My family (usually referred to scornfully by me as ‘that shower!’): Not at all; somebody has to go out for the Maltesers.

Napoleon once wrote to Mrs Napoleon, ‘I’ll be home in a week – don’t bathe till I get there.’  That’s my kind of man.

Some more bathing quotes:

  • People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.   Erma Bombeck
  • Noble deeds and hot baths are the best cures for depression.  Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle
  • I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.   Joan Rivers and/or Rodney Dangerfield
  • Basically my wife was immature. I’d be at home in the bath and she’d come in and sink my boats.  Woody Allen
  • Last Wednesday, I stupidly dropped my iPhone in the bath, and my life has sort of spiraled almost out of control.  Patrick Stewart

Read more at brainyquote.com

And finally, here’s a little something I came across that I think most of you will enjoy.  It has nothing to do with our theme, except that the purists among you might feel the need to take a shower when it’s done.

Part of this post first appeared two years ago.

 

Joke 685

6 Feb

More from Phyllis Diller.

English: Phyllis Diller

English: Phyllis Diller (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Thanks, Terry!

  • If it weren’t for baseball, many kids wouldn’t know what a millionaire looked like.
  • You know you’re old if your walker has an airbag.
  • I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing.
  • What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
  • The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
  • Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
  • I’ve been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
  • I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
  • His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
  • Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
  • My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
  • There’s so little money in my bank account, my scenic cheques show a ghetto.
  • My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
  • Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
  • I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
  • The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
  • You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
  • It’s a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I’d be rotten to the core.
  • There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?
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