Joke 703

 

Felix Baumgartner sky dive cartoon: Whiz Funnies (Photo credit: WhizTimes)

1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
3. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening,’ and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
4. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
5. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
6. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
7. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
8. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
9. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
10. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You need a parachute only to skydive twice.
11. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
12. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
13. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
14. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
15. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.

Thanks to Pseu for these.  She found them here.