Archive | 13:23

The Flatulence Test

5 Mar
TransCentury Hotel Toilet Instructions

TransCentury Hotel Toilet Instructions (Photo credit: Toby Simkin)

Did you spot yesterday’s word or was it all a big bleb of babble to you?

I gave you two words, because I couldn’t choose between them:

Ambisinister: clumsy, unskillful with both hands

Asseverate: to declare earnestly, solemnly

I declare earnestly and solemnly that there is only one new word in today’s post.

Tesco - Freshly kicked

Tesco – Freshly kicked (Photo credit: net_efekt)

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I had a thought about the horse meat scandal: I think we’re safe in this house.  Think about it: when you buy cheap dog and cat food in tins, it’s usually made of horse meat.

Remember the smell that follows…?

We haven’t had any unusually bad smells, from dogs or people – above the ordinary, if you know what I mean.  

I think we’re safe.

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We had a toilet flood this morning, due to a blockage that may or may not have been caused by the over-enthusiastic use of toilet paper by a certain bunged-up (nose, people, nose!) theatrical type.

That’s twice in one year I’ve had to wash the bathroom floor.

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Joke 712

5 Mar
Rock Guitarist

Rock Guitarist (Photo credit: drawgood)

Sometimes, I look around the room for a key word to Google alongside ‘joke’.  This time, it was ‘guitar’.  

I got these from the comments section of a post on Ultimate Guitar.  I mention this so you know that I’m not being mean to guitarists; guitarists are being mean to guitarists.
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How do you get a guitarist off your doorstep?
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Pay for the pizza.

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What’s a guitar player without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

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What’s the difference between a guitar and a can of tuna fish?
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You can tune a guitar but you can’t tuna fish.
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How many guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to hold it in place while the world revolves around him. 

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What’s the difference between a rock guitarist and a jazz guitarist?

A rock guitarist plays three chords in front of a million people. A jazz guitarist plays a million chords in front of three people.

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