Joke 716

9 Mar
rendered universal joint animation. Español: M...

rendered universal joint animation. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Motor Insurance Quotes from Claim Forms

1. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

2. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.

3. I collided with a stationary tramcar coming the other way.

4. I consider that neither vehicle was to blame but if either were to blame it was the other one.

5. I left my Austin Seven outside and when I came out later to my amazement there was an Austin Twelve.

6. Car had to turn sharper than was necessary owing to an invisible lorry.

7. To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.

8. The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

9. The other car collided with mine without giving any warning of its intention.

10. The other man altered his mind so I had to run into him.

11. I told the other idiot what he was and went on.

12. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

13. I unfortunately ran over a pedestrian and the old gentleman was taken to hospital, much regretting the circumstances.

14. I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.

15. If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.

16. She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met.

17. Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.

18. Three women were talking to each other and when two stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.

19. There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.

20. A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

From Will & Guy.

11 Responses to “Joke 716”

  1. slpmartin March 9, 2013 at 04:14 #

    Some interesting comments about the accidents…different than I hear around here.


  2. benzeknees March 9, 2013 at 05:22 #

    Reminds me of the time I had to go to the police station & report a pedestrian ran into my car, got up & ran off. It was true! I was at the end of a long line of traffic & going quite slowly when a jogger ran into the passenger side fender on my car, bounced back up & ran off. I tried chasing him down to make sure he was OK, but he ran into a back yard off a lane & I lost him. To make sure he didn’t later report me as a hit & run driver, I reported the accident to the police. But I certainly felt foolish saying a pedestrian ran into my car.


  3. vivinfrance March 9, 2013 at 07:56 #

    Truth IS stranger than fiction. Most of them are caused by language inadequacy.


  4. Three Well Beings March 9, 2013 at 07:58 #

    These are so funny! I totally believe them to be accurate. i love #10!


  5. sanstorm March 9, 2013 at 09:08 #

    Here’s another I’ve heard: “I drove into a driveway that wasn’t mine and hit a tree I don’t have.”
    It’s the sort of thing I would do. If the garage EVER GIVE ME MY CAR BACK *weeps*


  6. idiosyncratic eye March 9, 2013 at 10:24 #

    You do have to worry about some folk. 😉


  7. mairedubhtx March 9, 2013 at 13:53 #

    I loved these, especially the ones about the cows. They are like ours about cattle straying onto highways and people colliding with them. It’s always the cattle’s fault.


  8. terry1954 March 9, 2013 at 17:18 #

    you have such a way of holding me captive to your words. Great post!


  9. SchmidleysScribbling March 9, 2013 at 17:47 #

    These are so funny. Our fellow humans don’t read and can’t write, as every former editor knows. Dianne


  10. viveka March 9, 2013 at 18:01 #

    So happy I’m not driving anymore … and haven’t done for 45 years … after a bad accident – one thing was for sure that somebody moved a telephone pole for me that December day. #7 – my favorite …. they all what we call human errors. *smile and I’m sure that some drivers has given those explanations.


  11. bluebee March 16, 2013 at 02:08 #

    “cow was half-witted” – probably told that by another cow


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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