Two Big Breakfasts, Thank Goodness

12 Mar
English: Richard Bacon, former Blue Peter pres...

English: Richard Bacon, former Blue Peter presenter. Cropped from original. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The alarm woke us at about three a.m.  It could have been four or even five a.m. All I know is, it was way too a.m. for me; and I am an early bird by inclination.  

Unsure if anyone would put make-up on me, I put make-up on me.  As it turned out, no one did put make-up on me except me, so I was glad I’d had the four a.m. thought.

A driver collected us at half-past dawn in a fancy Jaguar and told us – upon request – about the famous people he had carried.  He may have been indiscreet but I was too snoring to take it in.  It is irrefragable that I was excited, but it was hard to tell over my closed eyes and open mouth.

He was Richard Bacon’s driver and I sat in Richard Bacon’s seat.  A little light was on – whether that was for Richard (I don’t want to keep writing ‘Richard Bacon’; do you think I should write ‘Dick Pig’ for short?  Hmm…maybe not)…RB’s light was on, perhaps for him to read the day’s script or newspapers; possibly for the paparazzi to spot him, because it had just come out that he was dating Blue Peter’s Konnie Huq.  I turned it off – I can’t abide an unnecessary light and it was doubtful – nay, certain – if any paparazzi would be interested in me.  Besides, it was keeping me awake.

We drove through burned out, abandoned cars to reach the business park where the studio was situated.  Ah, the glamour of breakfast television!  We received a warm and friendly welcome and instructions to help ourselves to tea, coffee, cereal and toast – made on a conveyor belt-type toasting machine thingy that I couldn’t work out.  I set off the smoke alarm.

We were trotted down to TBB house just before the seven a.m. kick-off.  It was surprisingly small and extremely grubby – I needn’t have worried about the corner behind the wine rack on the top kitchen cupboard in my house; even unwiped it was cleaner than TBB’s carpet.

Dirt was soon forgotten – we had a riot!  Utter chaos but great fun: we (everyone there, not just us) were shuffled from room to room between adverts and videos. We met TV presenters Richard Bacon, Amanda Byram and Lisa Rogers (then dating Ralf Little).  We were interviewed in a section called Dish the Dirt,  in the kitchen – having first been warned not to drink the orange juice after Day One, because it was the same glass all week.

English: Amanda Byram in July 2010.

English: Amanda Byram in July 2010. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Some of the stuff we told about each other:

  • The Hub won 10kg of cheese in a game show
  • He told a dentist, You hurt me; I’ll hurt you.
  • Tilly has smelly feet and refuses to get rid of her old slippers
  • She asked a shop assistant where they kept the tins of cauliflower
  • Tory Boy was catapulted from his pram and landed face down in the gravel (which explains a lot)
  • Spud told Michael Barrymore (another TV show; another story), that when Tilly breaks wind they all have to wear gas masks (his brother put him up to that one)

There were other guests that morning and after the show we all sat down together – cast, crew, guests – to eat…you guessed it – a big breakfast!  A proper cooked English breakfast with all the trimmings.  Staff had to pay but guests got it for free, which was just as well because I’d been up since stupid o’clock and Spud was starting to look tasty.

After breakfast, someone gave us a wad of cash for our expenses (meals, drinks, spending money) and a driver took four grinning but tired Northerners back to their hotel to recover from the excitement.

Coming Up: An Afternoon Out.  

Stay Tuned!

Also coming this week:

  • Spud and a Cast of Thousands in The Tempest
  • My Mother’s Day Highlights 
  • A Day Trip To Carlisle

Handsel: To use, try or experience for the first time, like me not eating breakfast until 9:30.



20 Responses to “Two Big Breakfasts, Thank Goodness”

  1. Grannymar March 12, 2013 at 10:12 #

    This story could run as long as Coronation Street!

    Enjoy Carlisle and lunch with Viv.


  2. Ron. March 12, 2013 at 10:14 #

    Loving these tales of fame, TB.


  3. jmgoyder March 12, 2013 at 11:56 #

    Loving this!


  4. Molly B and Me March 12, 2013 at 11:58 #

    I’m reading this at “way too a.m.” and really glad for the chuckle. Thanks!


  5. sharechair March 12, 2013 at 13:30 #

    Glad they warned you about the orange juice, or your appearance on the show might have had a different outcome.


  6. mairedubhtx March 12, 2013 at 13:56 #

    irrefragable. And putting on makeup at 4 am and then not eating until 9:30 am. It was a hellish day. Was the breakfast worth it, do you think? Was being on television all it was cracked up to be?


  7. laurieanichols March 12, 2013 at 15:46 #

    This is irrefragably one of the most entertaining stories that I have read in a while. I’m glad that you at long last got a proper breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day and I would never be satisfied with conveyor belt toast especially after a smoke alarm incident.:)


  8. SchmidleysScribbling March 12, 2013 at 17:09 #

    I notice they got the ‘truth’ out of you before they fed you. Can’t wait to read about Spud and his Tempest. Dianne


  9. adeeyoyo March 12, 2013 at 19:05 #

    I really enjoyed this post, Tilly. You write extremely well.


  10. Maddie Cochere March 12, 2013 at 20:00 #

    I am a fan! This story somehow delights me so much. Did you get fan mail after the show? Did you hear of any feedback the show received? I hope that is coming up!! 🙂


  11. Three Well Beings March 12, 2013 at 20:46 #

    I don’t know the principal players, but this is great fun! You are a lot more easy going than I would be…I don’t want any of my bodily functions discussed on television! 🙂


  12. kateshrewsday March 12, 2013 at 22:33 #

    Wow! That was a real adventure, Tilly!


  13. Rorybore March 13, 2013 at 01:45 #

    I remember being on a TV show called Harrigan here in Canada when I younger. He was a leprechaun…that’s all I remember. I think your 15 minutes of fame is proving much more exciting.
    Did you have elevensies too? 🙂


  14. Perfecting Motherhood March 13, 2013 at 02:20 #

    Is your next post a video of your TV appearance???


  15. bevchen March 13, 2013 at 11:49 #

    “way too a.m.” is the time I got up this morning. You have such a way with words 😀


  16. lanceleuven March 13, 2013 at 13:23 #

    Dick Pig? So, did you call him that to his face? 🙂


  17. viveka March 13, 2013 at 16:22 #

    Brilliant … your A-list, Linda – I thought you was going to stop .. by the last post. Love it.


  18. bluebee March 16, 2013 at 23:35 #

    All that telling about each other deserves its own TV show! I’d kill my children if they dobbed me in for farting, so just as well I don’t have any, and never do it 😉


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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