Joke 722

15 Mar
  • A will is a dead giveaway.

    Hand banana in all his glory

    Hand banana in all his glory (Photo credit: Sappymoosetree)

  • Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
  • A backward poet writes inverse.
  • A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
  • You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
  • The calendar’s days are numbered.
  • The boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
  • When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.
  • If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
  • Acupuncture: a jab well done.
  • I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  • She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  • A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  • A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  • A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Thanks to my friend Pam for forwarding this email doing the rounds.

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12 Responses to “Joke 722”

  1. Jay March 15, 2013 at 04:18 #

    So absorbing to read

    Like

  2. terry1954 March 15, 2013 at 04:25 #

    really enjoyed this!

    Like

  3. Katharine Trauger March 15, 2013 at 05:45 #

    Thanks for a great laugh. Had to make a potty run! 🙂

    Like

  4. bevchen March 15, 2013 at 08:41 #

    Brilliant! I like these ones best:
    “A backward poet writes inverse”
    “No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery”

    Like

  5. mairedubhtx March 15, 2013 at 13:25 #

    I love puns.

    Like

  6. lanceleuven March 15, 2013 at 13:36 #

    ‘Hand banana in all his glory’

    Umm…what!? What is that thing!

    Like

  7. SchmidleysScribbling March 15, 2013 at 14:26 #

    good ones. but I am still trying to figure out the one about the clock eating its seconds. I will probably figure it out eventually. Dianne

    Like

  8. viveka March 15, 2013 at 16:48 #

    Very good … my favorite; He had a photographic memory which was never developed.- have met a couple of them – have great weekend now … the whole breakfast family.

    Like

  9. vivinfrance March 15, 2013 at 22:13 #

    Some real crackers here. I love ’em.

    Like

  10. robincoyle March 15, 2013 at 23:17 #

    Gawd, i love puns.

    Like

  11. Grannymar March 17, 2013 at 13:27 #

    Very punny! I must remember: “No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery”!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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