Joke 731

24 Mar

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.  The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a

Loud Yelling Please

Loud Yelling Please (Photo credit: Enokson)

human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.

The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’

The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.

*

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.  As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’

The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’

The  girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

*

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the commandment to ‘honour thy Father and thy Mother’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’

One little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’

*

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast with her brunette hair.  She asked, ‘Why are some of
your hairs white, Mum?’

Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’

The little girl thought about this for a while and then said, ‘How come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’

*

Phila. Teachers on Capitol Steps, Wash., D.C.,...

Phila. Teachers on Capitol Steps, Wash., D.C., 5/13/11 (LOC) (Photo credit: The Library of Congress)

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.  ‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.’

*
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a parochial elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.  The aide made a note, and posted it on the apple tray:

Take only ONE…God is watching.

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.  A child had written a note:

Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

 

Thanks to Katharine Trauger at Home’s Cool! for these.

 

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19 Responses to “Joke 731”

  1. jmgoyder March 24, 2013 at 04:10 #

    These are fantastic!

    Like

  2. slpmartin March 24, 2013 at 04:45 #

    Oh…these are some of my favorites that you have posted.

    Like

  3. benzeknees March 24, 2013 at 05:43 #

    Bwahahahahaha!

    Like

  4. viv blake March 24, 2013 at 08:38 #

    I love ’em all, but specially the first two.

    Like

  5. Grannymar March 24, 2013 at 12:45 #

    Out of the mouth of….!

    I love all of them.

    Like

  6. mairedubhtx March 24, 2013 at 13:02 #

    I absolutely love the first one!

    Like

  7. terry1954 March 24, 2013 at 13:55 #

    these were all excellent jokes and so cute. I am going to reblog this post!

    Like

  8. terry1954 March 24, 2013 at 13:55 #

    Reblogged this on terry1954 and commented:
    cute jokes about kids

    Like

  9. SchmidleysScribbling March 24, 2013 at 14:07 #

    I taught Church School for five years, and I really love these. You can learn a lot from kids.

    I carpooled kids for a few years.One boy was Muslim, another was Mormen. They told me many things, but I kept on drinking anyway. Dianne (coffe!!)

    Like

  10. sanstorm March 24, 2013 at 15:03 #

    Children are brilliant.

    Like

  11. lenwilliamscarver March 24, 2013 at 15:08 #

    Reblogged this on myownheart.me.

    Like

  12. graypoet March 24, 2013 at 16:41 #

    Reblogged this on Gray Poet and commented:
    Saw this on a friends blog and thought everyone needed a smile today… I hope you enjoy.

    Like

  13. myothervoices March 24, 2013 at 18:36 #

    Really good quotes. I smiled a lot reading this

    Like

  14. kateshrewsday March 24, 2013 at 20:05 #

    Out of the mouths of babes 😀

    Like

  15. viveka March 24, 2013 at 20:34 #

    From kids mouths always comes always the truth …. first one my pick. They are all great.

    Like

  16. teeceecounsel March 24, 2013 at 22:54 #

    Lovely joke! I couldn’t help but laugh! 🙂

    Like

  17. lanceleuven March 26, 2013 at 15:20 #

    Hah! There’s some excellent oens there. 🙂

    Like

  18. sarsm April 5, 2013 at 16:12 #

    Brilliant!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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