Archive | 11:22

I’m Dog Stupid

6 Apr

Stuff I say to my dogs

I caught myself saying the following yesterday:

  • Will you please get off my bladder? [Molly wanted me to get up when I wasn’t quite ready]
  • Stop nagging me!  [Toby wanted his walk]
  • Come on, Moo!  [Molly didn’t want her walk]
  • Are you coming to help me?  [Make the dinner.  Toby joins me in the kitchen every night and Spud tells me I say the same thing to him every night.  My hope is always wasted: Toby never does help]
  • Don’t lick the books!  [‘Books’ can be substituted by carpet/couch/cushions/trousers/walls/floor…anything, really.  Molly, also known as Licky Moo, likes to lick things; especially my sleeping face when the bladder trick doesn’t work]

My dogs vilipend me at every opportunity; brought on, no doubt, by my habit of being mush in their adorable little paws.

What daft things do you say to your pets?

Note for those of you who Know Who You Are:  You needn’t bother telling me that that’s why you don’t have dogs; I know it!

The previous two words:

Tacent: rapt attention in an audience, more flattering than applause.  What my dogs show me when I’m eating.

Usageaster: a self-styled authority on language usage.  What I become when I see an apostrophe in the wrong place and a misspelled word in the public domain.

*

For more Six Word Saturdays, go here.

Joke 744

6 Apr

One liners from comedian Steve Wright

  • My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
  • I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
  • Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
  • There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
  • How does the guy who drives the snow plough get to work in the mornings?
  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
  • I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
  • I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
  • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
  • Why is abbreviation such a long word?
  • How did a fool and his money get together?
  • Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
  • What’s another word for thesaurus?*
  • Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
  • You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

From all over the internet.

*My interest was piqued by that one so I checked with thesaurus.com and the answer is:

  • glossary
  • language reference book
  • lexicon
  • onomasticon
  • reference book
  • sourcebook
  • storehouse of words
  • terminology
  • treasury of words
  • vocabulary
  • word list

%d bloggers like this: