Joke 745

7 Apr

Cartoon by Dave Walker

An English public school was forced to raise its fees.  The headmaster decided that the simplest way was to implement an across the board 7% increase per annum.  Unfortunately, when the secretary typed the letter, she missed out a crucial ‘n’ in the last word of the letter, consequently, it read thus:

Dear Parent

Due to increased building costs, I have decided reluctantly to raise the fees by 7% per anum.

About a week later, one concerned parent replied, saying:

Dear Headmaster

I regret your increase in fees, but I would like to continue paying through the nose as before.


This is alleged to be the message that a School staff in the Worcester area voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework.

The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children’s failing marks changed to passing marks – even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.

The Message:

Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.  In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

  • To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1
  • To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work – Press 2
  • To complain about what we do – Press 3
  • To swear at staff members – Press 4
  • To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you – Press 5
  • If you want us to bring up your child – Press 6
  • If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7
  • To complain about school lunches – Press 8
  • To complain about bus transport – Press 9
  • If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for their own behaviour, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!

From Will & Guy.



14 Responses to “Joke 745”

  1. terry1954 April 7, 2013 at 04:04 #

    I don’t know where you find these great jokes but keep it up!!!! Loved the first one!


  2. granny1947 April 7, 2013 at 06:17 #

    I love the answering machine…spot on.


  3. viv blake April 7, 2013 at 08:00 #

    As an ex-school secretary, on the receiving end of most of those calls, I applaud the “call-centre” style message.


  4. mairedubhtx April 7, 2013 at 13:15 #

    The answering machine is priceless!


  5. SchmidleysScribbling April 7, 2013 at 17:24 #

    Do you think anyone ever listens to those recorded messages?


  6. slpmartin April 7, 2013 at 17:56 #

    Now those were a fun way to start my Sunday morning…having friends who are teachers…I shall pass the last one on. 🙂


  7. benzeknees April 7, 2013 at 21:27 #

    Love the school answering machine message!!!


  8. Lisaman April 7, 2013 at 21:46 #

    Do we pay through the teeth or nose!!! 😉


  9. viveka April 7, 2013 at 22:12 #

    Brilliant … just wonder why there was no … press 0 or * ?????


  10. Grannymar April 7, 2013 at 22:48 #

    Anyone who manages to wait until #9 deserves a day off!


  11. sheilamariegrimes April 8, 2013 at 01:32 #

    funny funny funny!


  12. Barbara April 8, 2013 at 08:28 #

    Being dyslexic I had to look up the difference between per anum and per annum! Delayed reaction – Brilliant 🙂


  13. adinparadise April 8, 2013 at 09:25 #

    Hilarious post, Tilly. 🙂


  14. lanceleuven April 8, 2013 at 13:05 #

    Love that voicemail. Sometimes you just gotta give it to them straight.

    (I’m clearly being a bit slow today. It took me a while to read the children’s cartoon message. I assumed the joke was that they’d misspelt it by not holding the cards up roperly. T…W…what’s a backwards D supposed to be?…Oh…)


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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