Joke 747

9 Apr

From flyingjokes.  I knew there was a reason I don’t like flying…

Snakes on a Plane! (The Cake)

Snakes on a Plane! (The Cake) (Photo credit: bzibble)

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

*

LH741: “Tower, give me a rough time-check!”
Tower: “It’s Tuesday, Sir.”

*

A young and stupid pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.  He was approaching a field during the night time.  Instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said: “Guess who?”

The controller switched the field lights off and replied: “Guess where!”

*

Ground Control: “123DG, bear to the left, disabled aircraft on the right.”

Pilot: “123DG, Roger, I have the disabled aircraft in sight, but I don’t see the bear yet.”

*

On a very quiet night:

Pilot: “Fark I’m bored”
Tower: “Would the aircraft reporting boredom please identify yourself”
Pilot: “I said I was farking bored, not farking stupid.”

*

beware low flying planes

beware low flying planes (Photo credit: badjonni)

Tower: You have traffic at 10 o’clock, 6 miles!

Pilot: Give us another hint, we have digital watches!

*

Eggenfelden Info: D-EXXX please report persons aboard.

D-EXXX (C-172): Pilot and two pax and one dog.

Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to stop):  Assume the Pilot in Command was the dog ?

*

Pilot: “…Tower, please call me a fuel truck.”

Tower: “Roger. You are a fuel truck.”

*

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing: You’ve got to land here, son. This is where the food is.

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31 Responses to “Joke 747”

  1. terry1954 April 9, 2013 at 04:21 #

    I needed those laughs tonight. thanks so much

    Like

  2. Katharine Trauger April 9, 2013 at 05:01 #

    Loved this one! I, too, do not appreciate flying like some do. 😉

    Like

  3. siggiofmaine April 9, 2013 at 06:21 #

    good one…ones ☺

    Like

  4. teeceecounsel April 9, 2013 at 07:24 #

    I’ve still got my face lit up with smiles! 🙂
    lovely jokes!

    Like

  5. baaltanit April 9, 2013 at 07:51 #

    Pilots are never lost, just temporarily unsure of longitude.

    Like

  6. viv blake April 9, 2013 at 07:53 #

    Love flying and also your jokes. Did you edit the bored pilot one?

    Like

  7. Gabrielle Bryden April 9, 2013 at 09:35 #

    love an aviation joke or two – hahaha – ‘surely you can’t be serious’ ‘I am and don’t call me Shirley’ 😉

    Like

  8. colonialist April 9, 2013 at 09:37 #

    Most amusing!
    Some from my pilot father:
    Unless you meet another aircraft, taking off or flying is never dangerous. Landing is.
    , and
    Any landing you walk away from is a good one.

    Like

  9. David J. Bauman April 9, 2013 at 09:51 #

    Tee hee. . . don’t see the bear yet. giggles. 😀

    Like

  10. mairedubhtx April 9, 2013 at 14:00 #

    Everybody’s a comedian.

    Like

  11. SchmidleysScribbling April 9, 2013 at 19:04 #

    Thanks alot. I will remember you if I ever get into another airplane. Dianne

    Like

  12. Rorybore April 9, 2013 at 20:47 #

    Okay, I always always read your joke posts, but I don’t often leave a comment on them
    But this one I had to say “literally dying” these were too funny. “guess where” was awesome. LOL
    keep the funny coming!

    Like

  13. slpmartin April 9, 2013 at 21:53 #

    Made me think of Foster Brooks airline pilot bit on the old Dean Martin Show ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=LzAXb7qCCAo )

    Like

  14. adinparadise April 10, 2013 at 00:44 #

    Hehehe 😆

    Like

  15. lanceleuven April 10, 2013 at 13:17 #

    Excellent.

    The first bit rmeinds me of the classic HitchHikersGuide quote ““The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss””

    Like

  16. viveka April 10, 2013 at 15:27 #

    No wonder … I feel a bit uncomfortable up there …. my favorite is the fuel one. Brilliant.

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife April 10, 2013 at 19:45 #

      Sorry! I forgot you were a frequent flyer 🙂

      Like

      • viveka April 10, 2013 at 19:50 #

        Don’t worry .. have friends that are pilots … I know what is going on when they have stopovers *smile but I trust the pilots – because they to land safely too. *smile

        Like

  17. Grannymar April 10, 2013 at 20:20 #

    A rough time-check!” – “It’s Tuesday, Sir.” I love it!

    Like

  18. bluebee April 12, 2013 at 22:17 #

    Are you doing some sort of fear-of-flying therapy with these flying-flavoured posts? 😀

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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