Joke 748

10 Apr

More from flyingjokes.

Kulula airplane funny at Lanseria Airport

Kulula airplane funny at Lanseria Airport (Photo credit: Meraj Chhaya)

Female Radar Controller: “Can I turn you on at 7 miles?”
Airline Captain: “Madam, you can try.”

*

Tower: “Airline XXX, it looks like one of your baggage doors is open.”
Captain (after quickly scanning the FE panel): “Ah, thanks tower, but you must be looking at our APU door.”
Tower: “Okay, Airline XXX, cleared for takeoff.”
Captain: “Cleared for takeoff, Airline XXX.”
Tower, during the takeoff roll: “Airline XXX, ahh … it appears that your APU is leaking luggage…”

*

The crew of a US airliner made a wrong turn during taxi and came nose to nose with another aircraft.  The furious ground controller screamed: “[Callsign] where are you going? I told you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxiway; you turned right on ‘Delta’. Stop right there!”  Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted: “You’ve screwed everything up. It’ll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that?”
The frequency went very quiet until an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

*

A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high.

San Jose Tower: “American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.”

Tower: “Eastern 702, contact  Departure on 124.7.”

Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure…by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of  dead animal on the far end of the runway.”

Tower: “Continental  635, cleared for take-off; did you copy the report from Eastern?”

Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and roger, we copied Eastern and we’ve already notified our caterers.”

*

O’Hare Approach Control: “United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o’clock, 3 miles, eastbound.”

United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say  this… I’ve got that Fokker in sight.”

 

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19 Responses to “Joke 748”

  1. vastlycurious.com April 10, 2013 at 04:16 #

    I LOVED this post, hilarious!

    Like

  2. graypoet April 10, 2013 at 04:27 #

    Reblogged this on Gray Poet and commented:
    Needed a laugh before trying to taxi home.

    Like

  3. siggiofmaine April 10, 2013 at 05:57 #

    Wonderful, wonderful.
    Peace,
    Siggi

    Like

  4. colonialist April 10, 2013 at 08:57 #

    Very funny. I’ve always enjoyed the Kalula announcements, like the one about luggage left behind will be shared amongst the cabin crew.

    Like

  5. benzeknees April 10, 2013 at 10:06 #

    As a former dispatcher for a small airline, I know some of the very funny things said over the radios! Bwahahahahahaha!

    Like

  6. viv blake April 10, 2013 at 10:20 #

    Your last two joke posts have gone down in history as best ever! I’m still laughing and am waiting until Jock gets his nose out of his book to show them to him. Laughter may make him late for sacrosanct lunch at midday!

    Like

  7. lanceleuven April 10, 2013 at 12:59 #

    That was absolutely awesome. Sometimes it’s the real world that gives the best laughs! 🙂

    (I love the “leaking lugguage” comment)

    Like

  8. mairedubhtx April 10, 2013 at 13:10 #

    I love these airlines ones. Now I know to be very afraid when I next fly.

    Like

  9. bevchen April 10, 2013 at 13:30 #

    Leaking luggage! Hahaha.

    Like

  10. Katharine Trauger April 10, 2013 at 13:58 #

    Too, too funny. I’ll never fly! 😉

    Like

  11. SchmidleysScribbling April 10, 2013 at 15:59 #

    After your posts the past few days, I may never fly again…..on the other hand, the Kulula airline looks interesting. Dianne

    Like

  12. adinparadise April 10, 2013 at 18:54 #

    Really entertaining. I’ve never flown Kalula, but I love the accent. 🙂

    Like

  13. Grannymar April 10, 2013 at 21:10 #

    When I was young we had Fokker Friendships in sight everyday as we lived under the flightpath to Dublin Airport! My brothers were like United 329, in the way they talked about the planes.

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife April 10, 2013 at 21:11 #

      My husband is a plane geek. We live five miles from Manchester Airport, under the flight path. He sits in the garden with his camera and smiles 😀

      Like

  14. slpmartin April 10, 2013 at 23:43 #

    Hmm…you jokes remind me why I don’t like flying. :-0

    Like

  15. terry1954 April 11, 2013 at 02:27 #

    good jokes but I wonder if I will ever fly again. LOL

    Like

  16. bluebee April 12, 2013 at 22:15 #

    Kulula is pure marketing genius. “Fourth wife flies free” – so cheeky 😀

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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