Joke 749

11 Apr

Here are the last few from flyingjokes.  I’m glad you seem to have enjoyed them!  There are more if you want to read them, but you’ll have to visit the site because they are too rude for this blog.

I was a Pan Am 727 Flight Engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich, Germany. I was listening to the radio since I was the  junior crew member.  This was the conversation I overheard:

Lufthansa (In German):  “Ground, what is our start clearance time?”

Ground (In English):  “If you want an answer you must speak English.”

Lufthansa (In English):  “I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak  English?”

Beautiful English Accent (before Ground could answer):  “Because you lost the bloody war!”

More from our “Don’t get wise with us” file:

A United Airlines 747 captain tries to make light banter with Sydney, Australia, Approach Control …

Captain: “Good morning, Sydney, this is United XXX, we’re 50 miles out and have your island in sight …”

Approach: “Roger, United … you’re cleared to circle the island twice, then it’s okay to land.”

Once upon a time BA and Virgin decided to have a boat race on the Thames. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach peak performance. On the big day they were as ready as could be and Virgin won by a length. BA were discouraged and senior management set up a project to investigate the problem. Its conclusion was that the Virgin team had 8 people rowing and one person steering. The BA team had one person rowing and eight people steering. Senior management immediately hired consultants to study team performance. Millions of pounds were spent and several months later they concluded that there were too many people steering and not enough rowing. The following year the team structure was changed to 4 steering managers, 3 senior steering managers and one executive steering manager. A performance/appraisal system was set up to give the rower more incentive to work harder and become a key performer. They concluded he must be given empowerment and enrichment. The next year the big day arrived and Virgin duly won. BA laid off the rower for poor performance, sold off the paddles, cancelled capital investment and halted development of the new boat. Then they gave high performance awards to the consultants and distributed the money saved among senior management.


Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!”

Jim says, “Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?” So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed.

The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels, in fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then The phone rings… It’s Jim.

Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?”

Bud says, “I feel great. How about you?”

Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?”

Bud says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.”

“Yeah, well there’s just one thing…”

“What’s that?”

“Have you farted yet?”

“No…”

“Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in PHOENIX!

 

 

Advertisements

11 Responses to “Joke 749”

  1. viv blake April 11, 2013 at 07:07 #

    !WOW!

    Like

  2. benzeknees April 11, 2013 at 07:31 #

    In Phoenix? . . . hahahahahaha!!!! Thank goodness I’m reading this at night or I would have spit coffee all over my laptop!

    Like

  3. mairedubhtx April 11, 2013 at 13:03 #

    Loved the one about the German pilot!

    Like

  4. Katharine Trauger April 11, 2013 at 14:18 #

    Oh dear. Whoa! 😆

    Like

  5. SchmidleysScribbling April 11, 2013 at 16:23 #

    I think I’ve flown with John Cleese. Remind me to tell you the story of my flight on Ransom Airlines. Dianne

    Like

  6. colonialist April 11, 2013 at 17:20 #

    Flights of fancy I fancy!

    Like

  7. slpmartin April 11, 2013 at 17:53 #

    Very delightful set of videos and jokes…thanks!

    Like

  8. adinparadise April 11, 2013 at 19:45 #

    Hilarious. 😀

    Like

  9. lanceleuven April 12, 2013 at 15:11 #

    Phoenix! Excellent. 😀

    Like

  10. bluebee April 12, 2013 at 22:01 #

    Love the Cleese video 🙂

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: