Joke 752

14 Apr

How To Translate Academic Jargon

Breakfast Theory: A Morning Methodology

Breakfast Theory: A Morning Methodology (Photo credit: askpang)

When you next read an academic paper, make sure you have this handy guide by your side.

“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”
I didn’t look up the original reference.

“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”
The other results didn’t make any sense.

“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”
This is the prettiest graph.

“THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT”
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

“IN MY EXPERIENCE”
Once.

“IN CASE AFTER CASE”
Twice.

“IN A SERIES OF CASES”
Thrice.

“IT IS BELIEVED THAT”
I think.

“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”
A couple of others think so, too.

“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE” 
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”
Rumour has it.

“A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS”
A really wild guess.

“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.

“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”
I don’t understand it…and I never will.

“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”
They don’t understand it either.

“A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”
I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.

From Will & Guy

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20 Responses to “Joke 752”

  1. siggiofmaine April 14, 2013 at 04:03 #

    Love it..thanks
    Peace
    Siggi

    Like

  2. terry1954 April 14, 2013 at 04:07 #

    those were funny and interesting!

    Like

  3. viv blake April 14, 2013 at 07:49 #

    Not only funny but educational!

    Like

  4. Musings April 14, 2013 at 08:01 #

    Too funny! I love these!

    Like

  5. teeceecounsel April 14, 2013 at 08:14 #

    Both exciting and enlightening.
    I laughed a whole lot, as I could see a lot of truth within the humor! 🙂

    Like

  6. benzeknees April 14, 2013 at 08:21 #

    I’ve used some of these in my papers before! Hahahahahahahaha

    Like

  7. jmgoyder April 14, 2013 at 09:08 #

    Makes me nostalgic for my university days – NOT!

    Like

  8. countingducks April 14, 2013 at 11:49 #

    Excellent. I love this kind of stuff

    Like

  9. mairedubhtx April 14, 2013 at 12:56 #

    I spent my life immersed in statistics. I loved these!

    Like

  10. kateshrewsday April 14, 2013 at 15:16 #

    Very funny, Tilly: I LOVED the breakfast cereal…

    Like

  11. SchmidleysScribbling April 14, 2013 at 17:07 #

    Despite my better self, I laughed at your post. Just one thing, however, it’s easy to make fun of something you don’t understand, and most folks don’t understand statistics or statisticians…especially English majors. On the other hand, English majors confuse the hell out of me. Dianne

    Like

  12. slpmartin April 14, 2013 at 17:11 #

    Having worked in that environment most of my life…these are pretty much on target. 🙂

    Like

  13. Three Well Beings April 15, 2013 at 06:41 #

    I work in a university! You couldn’t be more right on! 🙂

    Like

  14. lanceleuven April 15, 2013 at 13:44 #

    ‘When you next read an academic paper’

    I think you’re overestimating me, Tilly. (Although I can just about handle the first part of the post and read the backs of cereal packets.) 😉

    Like

  15. colonialist April 15, 2013 at 19:39 #

    The jargon is brilliantly and accurately translated.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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