Happy Birthday, Tory Boy!

18 Apr

My beloved eldest child is 23 today.  From 12:41 p.m., Wednesday 18th April 1990, Tory Boy was my ylem.  The moment I saw him, I loved.

I might even have cried a little (probably thinking about the pregnancy fat I was never going to shake off).

‘Bonding’ had come into fashion when I was carrying TB; I asked my gynea if I would be able to hold the baby as soon as it was born.  He told me that bonding takes a life time, not a moment.  He was right.

What he failed to mention, however, is that as soon as you’ve bonded, you have to start preparing yourself to let go of them.  Tory Boy works; he has a lovely girlfriend; he lives away from home; he calls and visits (occasionally; usually when he needs something); he sends me poems that make me laugh and weep.  I did my job.  His father helped, when I let him.

But how I miss those moments, early in the morning, when it was just him and me.  When I would soothe and feed him and he would fall asleep in my arms.

Our bonding began on the Saturday after he was born, when the Hub was given permission not to visit until the evening (after the match).  I fed Tory Boy; he fell asleep; and I simply could not bear to let go of him.  I sat in a chair with my beautiful baby in my arms and we stayed there for many hours.  My demanding body, which needs a toilet break every hour and a food break every half hour, knew not to mess with me that day.

I looked at my baby and I loved him; and that has never changed.

 

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40 Responses to “Happy Birthday, Tory Boy!”

  1. speccy April 18, 2013 at 10:41 #

    Beautiful, Tilly
    Happy Birthday TB 🙂

    Like

  2. viv blake April 18, 2013 at 10:47 #

    Many happies to Tory Boy. Your post brought remembering tears to my eyes. I know exactly what you were/are feeling. Is it really 2 years since the jelly-roll quilt? I don’t know where the time goes.

    Like

  3. Grannymar April 18, 2013 at 11:03 #

    Happy Birthday Tory Boy

    Precious first born. He may move on to make his own way in life, but the memories stay locked in your heart forever.

    Like

  4. Elaine - I used to be indecisive April 18, 2013 at 11:28 #

    Lovely post. Happy Birthday Tory Boy.

    Like

  5. gigihawaii April 18, 2013 at 12:18 #

    Happy Birthday, Tory Boy!
    Aloha from Hawaii.

    Like

  6. barb19 April 18, 2013 at 12:54 #

    Happy Birthday Tory Boy – you have one very special mum!

    Like

  7. sharechair April 18, 2013 at 13:00 #

    Oh, yes yes yes. I understand your feelings so well. My babies are 36 and 30 and both are married with responsible jobs and, well, they are officially adults. But to me … they are still my little boys. Amazing how that does not change. Those mornings you describe? The memory brings me to tears.
    Happy Birthday Tory Boy!!

    Like

  8. Al April 18, 2013 at 13:09 #

    Speaking of poetic….

    Happy Birthday to Tory Boy!

    Like

  9. mairedubhtx April 18, 2013 at 13:14 #

    What a beautiful post! We do spend a lifetime of loving them and bonding with them and we also spend a lifetime of letting them go. I’m still letting go of my daughter at age 36. I’ll never completely let go. She’s still my baby. I can still see her as my little “spider baby” all head and arms and legs at the hospital. We never forget, do we?

    Like

  10. jmgoyder April 18, 2013 at 13:57 #

    Happy birthday Tory Boy – give your ma a big hug for me!

    Like

  11. sanstorm April 18, 2013 at 14:17 #

    I was rubbish at bonding with SOS. That birth was a bit of a shock to the system. He was very beautiful and had the best ears you ever did see, though. Bonded eventually. Then he learned to speak/argue.
    Happy Birthday Tory Boy!

    Like

  12. laurieanichols April 18, 2013 at 14:44 #

    Happy birthday Tory Boy!! It’s funny but it was yesterday when I was thinking and missing the exact same feeling that you so movingly described during your morning bonding period with Tory. I was sitting on the couch with my baby boy and his head was on my shoulder and I was thinking how much I missed the special alone time that my baby boy and I shared when he was just a baby and I didn’t have to share him with anyone else. Now you and I have to share our baby boys with the world, but for a time when we had them to ourselves, it was the most special time in the world. 🙂

    Like

  13. teeceecounsel April 18, 2013 at 14:45 #

    Lovely mother you are. Happy birthday to Tory Boy! 🙂

    Like

  14. Viveka April 18, 2013 at 15:38 #

    Just love this post, Linda …. Happy Birthday, Big Man. *smile

    Like

  15. slpmartin April 18, 2013 at 17:21 #

    What warm and lovely post….happy birthday to Tory Boy…and all the best to his best friend, his mom!

    Like

  16. sarsm April 18, 2013 at 17:27 #

    Happy Birthday TB from all of us!!
    I bet you’re really touched with this post.

    Like

  17. Ron. April 18, 2013 at 17:41 #

    If I hadn’t had my own wonderful mother, I’d have opted for you, TB.
    T Boy’s a lucky man.

    Like

  18. restlessjo April 18, 2013 at 17:54 #

    Oh bless, Tilly! That’s lovely. Big hug! 🙂

    Like

  19. Rorybore April 18, 2013 at 18:50 #

    Happy Birthday Tory Boy!!
    and this was just lovely. my youngest is now 3 and those early morning feedings while the rest of the house slept are long past. but bonding never stops.

    Like

  20. terry1954 April 18, 2013 at 19:09 #

    Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

    Like

  21. adinparadise April 18, 2013 at 20:29 #

    Happy Birthday to your dear son. I know just how you feel. 🙂

    Like

  22. Tom Merriman April 18, 2013 at 20:59 #

    Yes… happy birthday from me as well, Tory Boy!
    Nice post, Tilly.

    Like

  23. Janet Williams April 18, 2013 at 23:50 #

    But… where is the birthday POEM? Tilly has started a new trend in birthday story, not poem? Equally touching.

    Like

  24. Maddie Cochere April 19, 2013 at 02:27 #

    Happy birthday, Tory Boy! Wonderful post, Tilly. I only have one son, and I can relate. This warmed my heart to read.

    Like

  25. Perfecting Motherhood April 19, 2013 at 02:47 #

    Happy birthday to your Tory Boy! He looks very young on that picture for 23. 🙂

    Like

  26. benzeknees April 19, 2013 at 04:03 #

    Funny, here in Canada as soon as you deliver the baby they throw them on your stomach while they clean them up a bit, shake them & make them cry for the first time. This is supposed to help with the bonding. I was in labor for 36 hours, so all I wanted to do was sleep as soon as she was delivered. They put me in recovery & handed me my daughter & all I wanted to do was sleep & I was afraid they would yell at me, so I was struggling to stay awake. After some sleep, then I was ready for some bonding time!

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife April 19, 2013 at 08:47 #

      That’s the beauty of an elective caesarian! He was breeched and I was full term so the doc booked me in. I never had a contraction. It’s easy to love a kid when he’s not ripping the guts out of you for a day and a half 🙂

      Like

  27. brain injury self rehabilitation (BISR) April 19, 2013 at 05:16 #

    Happy Birthday to your Tory Boy! This brought back so many memories. Where does the time go? It’s all about a mother’s love and devotion and letting go! Great post. Take care and stay safe.

    Like

  28. McGuffy Ann Morris April 19, 2013 at 16:34 #

    This is so sweet. Good job, Mom!

    Like

  29. bluebee April 21, 2013 at 01:52 #

    So sweet, Tilly. Love that he still writes you poems 😀

    Like

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    […] A conversation after the zugzwang of yesterday’s post: […]

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