Joke 759

21 Apr

And the last of the Tim Viners.  Thanks, Dave!

Tim Vine The Joke-Amotive promotional advert

Tim Vine The Joke-Amotive promotional advert (Photo credit:

  • So I told my mum that I’d opened a theatre. She said, “Are you having me on?” I said, “Well I’ll give you an audition, but I’m not promising you anything.”
  • So this cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says, “Audi!”
  • So I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, that’s aboriginal.
  • I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It’s tiny, you couldn’t swing a cat in there.
  • I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.
  • I bought a train ticket and the driver said, “Eurostar.” I said, “Well I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin.”
  • At least it’s comfortable on Eurostar; it’s murder on the Orient Express…

12 Responses to “Joke 759”

  1. graypoet April 21, 2013 at 04:09 #

    Groaning….. but smiling.


  2. terry1954 April 21, 2013 at 04:15 #

    haha too funny


  3. viv blake April 21, 2013 at 08:28 #



  4. viveka April 21, 2013 at 09:34 #

    Audi …. *smile


  5. mairedubhtx April 21, 2013 at 12:54 #

    Loved the Eurostar and the Orient Express.


  6. slpmartin April 21, 2013 at 16:39 #

    Well…these were cute.


  7. SchmidleysScribbling April 21, 2013 at 18:42 #

    I once had a first-class ticket on the Eurostar. Some idiot talked in French on a cell phone the whole trip. Love the last joke, but don’t understand all of them. Dianne


  8. adinparadise April 22, 2013 at 11:37 #

    Love #3. 😀


  9. lanceleuven April 22, 2013 at 14:47 #

    The Eurostar one really did make me chuckle. 🙂


  10. Hattie April 22, 2013 at 18:22 #

    What pun!


  11. Grannymar April 22, 2013 at 23:28 #

    I love the last two on the trains!


  12. April 23, 2013 at 20:27 #

    What is a Malteser anyway?? Smiles


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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