Joke 779

11 May

A Dog Asks

  • Why do humans smell the flowers, but not each other?
  • When we get to heaven, can we sit on the couch? Or is it still the same old story?
  • Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler Eagle” the “Chrysler Beagle”?
  • If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
  • We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
  • More meatballs, less spaghetti.
  • Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?
  • When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

  1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they can eat it.
  2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell.
  3. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
  4. The sofa is not a face towel.
  5.  The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
  6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
  7. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying “hello.”
  8. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m under the coffee table.
  9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house — not after.
  10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
  11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.
  12. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.

From dogbreedinfo.

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16 Responses to “Joke 779”

  1. Terry May 11, 2013 at 04:10 #

    just give me the meatballs and sauce and forget the stringy white stuff, hehe

    Like

  2. judyt54 May 11, 2013 at 04:45 #

    those are hysteical . Tilly, thank you. “the cat is not a squeaky toy” bwahahaha

    Like

  3. slpmartin May 11, 2013 at 04:57 #

    Very funny lines….wonder what dogs do think of humans when their owner dresses them up in hats in coats.

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife May 11, 2013 at 08:50 #

      I know Molly gets excited about her jumpers ad coats. She feels the cold and is happiest when she is wrapped up against it. Toby is happy because he knows a coat means walk 🙂

      Like

  4. moonflowerstorying May 11, 2013 at 05:59 #

    When I’m weary, you make me cheery!

    Like

  5. Three Well Beings May 11, 2013 at 07:52 #

    These are really fun. Someone was very observant to recall how often dogs DO stand up quickly under a coffee table. Very funny!

    Like

  6. viv blake May 11, 2013 at 08:02 #

    Number 3: yuk. The rest are all good advice to any dog reading this.

    Like

  7. benzeknees May 11, 2013 at 08:12 #

    You’re right they don’t name cars after dogs, but here in Canada they name the long distance buses Greyhound!

    Like

  8. sharechair May 11, 2013 at 12:24 #

    Awwwww … “the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff” <<<< that's so funny! I just made arrangements for my yorkie to go to 'camp' when we come over to spend time on your side of the ocean. That's the part of travel that bothers me. Hate to leave her, in spite of all her 'good dog' failures. 🙂

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife May 11, 2013 at 13:39 #

      Aw! We bought a tent so we could take our dogs away with us – and I hate camping! LOL

      Will you be anywhere near Manchester?

      Like

  9. mairedubhtx May 11, 2013 at 12:30 #

    I know my dogs are lucky because they ARE allowed on the couch! How else could Ralphy cuddle on my feet? I’m getting pretty good at deciphering their barks–which are for “strange car,” which for “another dog,” which for “person walking by,” etc. Boy, am I good!

    Like

  10. colonialist May 11, 2013 at 18:38 #

    Those rules expect FAR too much of a dog!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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