Joke 794

What I’ve Learned As I Have Aged

• I’ve learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
• I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
• I’ve learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
• I’ve learned that you shouldn’t compare yourself to others – they are more screwed up than you think.
• I’ve learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
• I’ve learned that you can keep vomiting long after you think you’re finished.
• I’ve learned to not sweat the petty things, and not to pet the sweaty things.
• I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
• I’ve learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
• I’ve learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

From Will & Guy