Joke 805

6 Jun
Overworked and Underpaid Inc Now Seeking Quali...

Overworked and Underpaid Inc Now Seeking Qualified Applicants (Photo credit: Graela)

Allegedly, these are taken from real job applications:

  • “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
  • “I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.”
  • “I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
  • “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
  • “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
  • “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
  • “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
  • “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
  • “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
  • “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
  • “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
  • “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
  • “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
  • “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.”
  • “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
  • “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

From Will & Guy.

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15 Responses to “Joke 805”

  1. Terry June 6, 2013 at 04:13 #

    boy is this the truth today

    Like

  2. letstalkaboutfamily June 6, 2013 at 04:14 #

    Priceless!

    Like

  3. slpmartin June 6, 2013 at 04:28 #

    Oh there are some good ones in this post.

    Like

  4. Musings June 6, 2013 at 05:46 #

    Ouch! Pretty funny!

    Like

  5. thehutts June 6, 2013 at 08:32 #

    I have vivinfrance to check my typos. Unfortunately she can’t come into the interviews and help me with that side of getting a job 😦
    Sally

    Like

  6. mairedubhtx June 6, 2013 at 14:00 #

    I know I must have seen some of those when I was reviewing job applications.

    Like

  7. jatwood4 June 6, 2013 at 17:00 #

    These are great, and sadly, very predictable!

    Like

  8. Grannymar June 6, 2013 at 18:59 #

    I’m stuck on ‘“I have lurnt Word for Widows”’ I wonder what that word is? 😆

    Like

  9. Gobetween June 7, 2013 at 02:27 #

    “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.” is not something I would brag about 😀
    I am quite tempted to add this one to my CV – “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.” – it would be safer for the employees, employers and customers.

    Like

  10. SchmidleysScribbling June 7, 2013 at 13:19 #

    Next thing you know they will all be on food stamps. Dianne

    Like

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Nicola Hulme Author

Exploring creative writing and learning every day

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mainly poetry, also quilts, pictures, life-writing and the occasional short story.

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