Joke 805

Overworked and Underpaid Inc Now Seeking Qualified Applicants (Photo credit: Graela)

Allegedly, these are taken from real job applications:

• “I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.”
• “I have lurnt Word for Widows, computor operations and spreasheet progroms.”
• “I received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”
• “Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.”
• “Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.”
• “Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”
• “It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”
• “Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”
• “You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.”
• “Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”
• “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.”
• “Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”
• “I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.”
• “I am loyal to my employer at all costs…Please feel free to respond to my résumé on my office voice mail.”
• “I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.”
• “My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

From Will & Guy.