Joke 811

12 Jun

Alex at Dave & Jill's 1997

  • For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.   Steve Martin
  • Excuse me, my leg has gone to sleep; do you mind if I join it?   Alexander Woollcott (Theatre Critic)
  • I’m not a very good sleeper, but you know what? I’m willing to put in a few extra hours every day to get better. That’s just the kind of hard worker I am.   Jarod Kintz
  • No, you didn’t wake me up; I had to get up to answer the phone anyway. ‘Yogi’ Berra
  • The amount of sleep needed by the average person is five minutes more. Max Kaufman
  • When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.   Rule of Feline Frustration
  • If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words ‘We need to talk about our relationship’ may help.   Rita Rudner
  • There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep. Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.   Ronald Reagan

From just-one-liners.com

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21 Responses to “Joke 811”

  1. Terry June 12, 2013 at 04:09 #

    those were really good!

    Like

  2. jatwood4 June 12, 2013 at 04:12 #

    Excellent laughs! 😎

    Like

  3. Rorybore June 12, 2013 at 05:09 #

    I put a few extra hours in myself today. Naps are good for the soul…..and the funny bone!

    Like

  4. slpmartin June 12, 2013 at 05:50 #

    My favorite was the leg asleep one…what fun!

    Like

  5. viv blake June 12, 2013 at 07:31 #

    I’m sure that Reagan one was true: have you ever looked at a TV programme in the House of Commons and seen the dozing MPs? The cat one is my favourite.

    Like

  6. benzeknees June 12, 2013 at 08:48 #

    I always need 5 more minutes of sleep!

    Like

  7. Grannymar June 12, 2013 at 09:23 #

    Five minutes is a good sleep for me! I love that photo!

    Like

  8. lanceleuven June 12, 2013 at 12:17 #

    Ronald Reagan had a sense of humour?! Well I learned something new today. Well done, Tilly. My visits here are both amusing and educational! 🙂

    Like

  9. Harry Nicholson June 12, 2013 at 12:39 #

    I can sleep on a clothes line – my back is quite corrugated.

    Like

  10. mairedubhtx June 12, 2013 at 13:35 #

    Ralphy usually arranges himself snuggled against my legs–then I find I have to use the bathroom. Poor Ralphy!

    Like

  11. SchmidleysScribbling June 12, 2013 at 16:24 #

    Soo which adorable child in the photo? Hard to tell with scrunched face. Love the Ronnie quote. He was almost as good as Yogi. Dianne

    Like

  12. Three Well Beings June 12, 2013 at 17:13 #

    What an adorable photo of Spud! Just precious! I loved this quote: “I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting.” Ronald Reagan. I probably shouldn’t find that funny, but I sure do! LOL!

    Like

  13. viveka June 12, 2013 at 19:18 #

    The photo is priceless *smile Spud – just brilliant.

    Like

  14. lifeonwry.com June 12, 2013 at 19:37 #

    Such an awesome pic.

    Like

  15. adinparadise June 13, 2013 at 12:08 #

    All excellent. The Ronald Reagan one reminds me of our cabinet ministers here. 🙂

    Like

  16. vastlycurious.com June 14, 2013 at 04:24 #

    Numero uno has great personal meaning and the first time i laughed about it !!!

    Like

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