Free Download Of Me

13 Jun
Cartoon Superman

Cartoon Superman (Photo credit: ssoosay) He’s pretty dumb – he still uses a phone box…

English Pen ran a competition: make up a word; use it as a title in a poem or piece of flash fiction.  I did; I didn’t win; but I was a runner-up – one of thirty, from over 400 entries.

That was some weeks ago.  I received an email with the news; then another, telling me where to access a free download of the anthology e-book, The Dictionary Of Made-Up Words.

Cue weeks of frustration.  I could NOT download that damn thing.  I can’t tell you how I struggled, trying to access it.  I have no idea how I ended up with seventeen downloads of the same document on several computers (I thought it might be something to do with the Windows package), but so it was.  It appears I could download it; I just couldn’t read it.

The email offered me a MOBI version for Kindle.  I was told I needed to download a MOBI package to access the e-book.  I was too scared to do that – I’ve heard about these exploding viruses that wipe your hard drive.  The Hub has warned me ever since I learned to switch on a computer by myself: NEVER click ‘Yes’ on an executable file if you don’t know the source.  I don’t know if it was an executable file; I don’t know who this MOBI is, but I suspect he’s a bit of a dick, so I played it safe and that is possibly why I have seventeen downloads of a file I can not access on all computers in the house and even one in Peterborough with Tory Boy.

English Pen asked us to publicise the e-book, but how could I ask you to face the same trials I was facing?

I could not.  I like you all too much to want you to stand beating your heads against a brick wall (or tin wall, for those of you who live in less traditional structures; but it’s still got to hurt).

Ma.ture Technology

Ma.ture Technology (Photo credit: ncomment). I think I know why this is funny but I don’t understand most of the language.  Rather like my relationship with computers, actually.

Round about the time I was ready to take a screwdriver to my laptop to see if the book was lurking about in its entrails, the Hub stepped in.

Much shouting ensued, because I was telling him how to do the thing he was doing because I didn’t know how to do it (c’mon ladies…we’ve all done it).  Here’s the gist of it:

HUB (in capitals because he’s yelling): It’s not for your computer, it’s for your Kindle!  All you’ve got to do is transfer it from your laptop to your Kindle!

ME (in capitals because I’m yelling because I’m wrong): Oohhhhhhh….

Me (in lower case because I’m an idiot): And how do I do that?


You know what the irony of this story is?

My poem is about my inability to use technology. 😀


piano hazard

piano hazard (Photo credit: Zemlinki!)

You can download the whole book for free (if you need a Hub to hurl abuse at you while that’s happening, mine’s available), for your Kindle, Nook or something else, here.  

They will send you an email with a couple of links.  Don’t ask me for help.

Take some time to read the comments about the winning poem.  They make the Hub and I look like we’re blissfully in love.

For those of you who don’t have an e-reader (or the technology gene), here’s my poem:


The science 
of misunderstanding an appliance.
The groan 
accompanying a new phone.
The cry
as an elderly computer dies.
The ache
for a simpler age,
when a book had a page.
Techneptitude –
technological stupidity
with a hint of decrepitude.


33 Responses to “Free Download Of Me”

  1. laurieanichols June 13, 2013 at 13:32 #

    I love your poem! I didn’t realize that you were writing a poem with me in mind. Tilly you’re the best 😉 I felt your pain with the download and I know what it feels like when a certain someone finally comes in to explain. sigh.


  2. mairedubhtx June 13, 2013 at 13:47 #

    Your poem is lovely. Especially appropriate given what happened with the download. I wouldn’t have known what to do either. How do you know you’re supposed to open it with Kindle? Do they tell you that? What is a MOBI anyway? I would have been as cautious as you were. Hub shouldn’t have yelled at you. You were within your rights to be suspicious.


  3. xtrekki June 13, 2013 at 14:34 #

    Excellent. Congratulations. And sums up exactly my relationship with technology!!


  4. viv blake June 13, 2013 at 15:05 #

    You and me both. But my OH would ‘t touch the coputer and if he did everything would disappear. What I don’t understand is why you didn’t ask Hub in the first place – you know he’s a technowizard = someone who can untangle technincompoopery!


  5. kiwidutch June 13, 2013 at 15:06 #

    “Techneptitude” an absolutely perfect word that applies to far too accurately to far too many of us I fear.

    “Techneptitude” the the new title of the new affliction that I will tell our computer friend I am suffering from when he comes around soon to help me regain entry into my Flickr account… (they “updated” it but now I can’t figure out at all how to get back in! Grrr)

    Congratulations on being picked as one of the runner-ups! Excellent 🙂


  6. slpmartin June 13, 2013 at 15:16 #

    I rather love that definition poem of yours….very clever.


  7. SchmidleysScribbling June 13, 2013 at 15:18 #

    I make up words all the time when I am playing Scrabble. David says I can’t but I tell him, “Well it outta be a word.” As for technology, It sucks. Dianne


  8. Rorybore June 13, 2013 at 15:54 #

    ever read those “medical symptons” sites and become convinced you have some weird tropical disease? Techneptitude: I’ve got it. I’m sure of it. Is there a cure? besides yelling at my hub — because I already did that today concerning our gazebo which took flight in the night and landed on the neighbours roof — because hubby was going to screw it to the deck “later.”
    Incidentally, I’ve just created a new word: “Mancrastination.”


  9. Al June 13, 2013 at 17:57 #

    Great poem, Tilly Bud. So few words, so much angst!

    I salute the Hub. Every family needs a technomeister.


  10. adinparadise June 13, 2013 at 18:41 #

    Great poem, Tilly. My hubby and yours should get together and commiserate. 🙂


  11. colonialist June 13, 2013 at 21:06 #

    That is even better than the I D 10 T error! Brilliant!
    I await the lynx … er, links … most eagerly.


    • The Laughing Housewife June 13, 2013 at 21:11 #

      The link is there! Under ‘here’.

      Here: ..oh, wait, you mean the links in the email, don’t you?

      *mutters* First it’s the technology, then it’s comprehension…there’s not going to be much left of me that does work.


      • colonialist June 13, 2013 at 21:20 #

        Yes, are they here or there? Or everywhere?
        Never mind, I have the email! 🙂


  12. Grannymar June 13, 2013 at 21:18 #

    Love the poem, think yourself lucky to have a hubby to yell at. My walls remain mute and punching them hurts!


  13. Maddie Cochere June 14, 2013 at 00:43 #

    Love your poem, Tilly! Congratulations on being a runner-up. That’s so exciting!


  14. Three Well Beings June 14, 2013 at 03:44 #

    That’s a clever poem, and I love the word “techneptitude.” It needs to catch on! And you’re so right about this being tremendously ironic given your problem with the download. I’ll sign up for the link and see if I can get it on my Kindle, too. I’d love to read the others, but I really like yours!


  15. jmgoyder June 14, 2013 at 07:14 #

    You are good!


  16. Elaine - I used to be indecisive June 16, 2013 at 22:54 #

    What a great poem! I think I am going to adopt the word ‘techneptitude’ because I definitely suffer from it sometimes.


    • The Laughing Housewife June 17, 2013 at 12:26 #

      Please do adopt it and…er…spread the word! If it comes into common usage, I’ll die happy 🙂


  17. Janie Jones June 19, 2013 at 17:27 #

    I am appalled you didn’t win. Techneptitude. That’s brilliant. And the poem is good, too. 🙂


  18. benzeknees June 24, 2013 at 18:09 #

    Sounds like me!


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