Joke 812

13 Jun

Time for some Groucho Marx.  You’ve probably heard them all but they are always worth sharing again.

  • No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
  • Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
  • Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
  • Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well, I have others.
  • A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.
  • One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
  • Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
  • From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
  • My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.
  • I’ve got the brain of a four year old. I’ll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
  • I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
  • Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.
  • I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
  • Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
  • Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.
  • She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
  • I intend to live forever, or die trying.
  • I find television very educational. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

From brainyquote.

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12 Responses to “Joke 812”

  1. slpmartin June 13, 2013 at 04:13 #

    Enjoyed the video and the one liners….very enjoyable way to end my day…thanks!

    Like

  2. graypoet June 13, 2013 at 04:47 #

    🙂 nite

    Like

  3. vastlycurious.com June 13, 2013 at 05:18 #

    Raising hand !!! Plastic surgeon as father 🙂

    Like

  4. Grannymar June 13, 2013 at 07:39 #

    ‘A man’s only as old as the woman he feels.’ – I lived with that man! 😆

    Like

  5. benzeknees June 13, 2013 at 07:43 #

    Always loved the elephant in the pyjamas!

    Like

  6. adinparadise June 13, 2013 at 12:06 #

    Couldn’t manage to warch the video here in darkest Africa, but I really enjoyed the funnies. The one about politics is so true, as is the one about men and their destiny. 😀

    Like

  7. mairedubhtx June 13, 2013 at 13:58 #

    I love the last one about the television and the book. Truer words were never spoken.

    Like

  8. Three Well Beings June 14, 2013 at 04:34 #

    This was a fun video! I always thought Groucho was really hilarious! Some great talent sitting on that stage. 🙂

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife June 14, 2013 at 06:56 #

      I knew he was funny in the way that I know Mount Everest is high, but I had never seen or heard him in anything until I watched that video. I was falling off my seat laughing. Now I’m a huge fan!

      Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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