Joke 822

23 Jun

The last one, I swear!

More How To Write Good, this time from William Safire’s Rules for Writers.

  • Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.
  1. It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.
  2. Avoid archaeic spellings too.
  3. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
  4. Don’t use commas, that, are not, necessary.
  5. Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.
  6. Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.
  7. Subject and verb always has to agree.
  8. Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.
  9. Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.
  10. Don’t repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.
  11. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
  12. Don’t never use no double negatives.
  13. Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.
  14. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
    1. Eschew obfuscation.
    2. No sentence fragments.
    3. Don’t indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.
    4. A writer must not shift your point of view.
    5. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!
    6. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
    7. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
    8. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
    9. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
    10. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
    11. Always pick on the correct idiom.
    12. The adverb always follows the verb.
    13. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
    14. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.
    15. And always be sure to finish what


11 Responses to “Joke 822”

  1. slpmartin June 23, 2013 at 06:15 #

    These have been some of my favorites.


  2. June 23, 2013 at 08:43 #



  3. Grannymar June 23, 2013 at 09:45 #

    I think, I, shuld, stop, writin!


  4. jmgoyder June 23, 2013 at 11:50 #

    I love this kind of thing!


  5. Al June 23, 2013 at 12:21 #

    I’ve gone back over all my hundreds of posts to see if I’ve have committed any of these grammatical atrocities. Turns out I have to rewrite all but two of them. You may not hear from me for a while.


  6. mairedubhtx June 23, 2013 at 13:41 #

    You could keep going with these for me. What happened to Number 15?


  7. kateshrewsday June 23, 2013 at 18:49 #

    Classic advice. And as one whose brain works faster than her grammar and spelling circuits I have made menny of these mistakes myself.


  8. lanceleuven June 24, 2013 at 12:05 #

    Some excellent advice there. And I particularly like the Egyptian cartoon at the end!


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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