Joke 848

Be-yourself-Everyone (Photo credit: Patricia Mellin)

Wise Words.  

They are not all funny but those which are not funny are so useful, I have left them in.

• One good turn gets the duvet.
• The early worm gets eaten.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• There are two theories to arguing with a woman.  Neither works.
• The second mouse gets the cheese.
• Hotel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
• Never kick a fresh cowpat on a hot day.
• Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
• The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.
• When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
• To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
• We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.
• Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours.
• A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed.
• A group of idiots led by a wise man can defeat a group of wise people led by an idiot.

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From Will & Guy