Joke 848

19 Jul

Be-yourself-Everyone (Photo credit: Patricia Mellin)

Wise Words.  

They are not all funny but those which are not funny are so useful, I have left them in.

  • One good turn gets the duvet.
  • The early worm gets eaten.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • There are two theories to arguing with a woman.  Neither works.
  • The second mouse gets the cheese.
  • Hotel mattresses are better on the side away from the phone.
  • Never kick a fresh cowpat on a hot day.
  • Even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.
  • The well bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves.
  • When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  • To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up.
  • We can learn much from wise words, little from wisecracks, and less from wise guys.
  • Work eight hours and sleep eight hours and make sure they are not the same eight hours.
  • A wise man will never tell his wife to keep quiet. He will tell her she looks beautiful with her mouth closed.
  • A group of idiots led by a wise man can defeat a group of wise people led by an idiot.


From Will & Guy



11 Responses to “Joke 848”

  1. siggiofmaine July 19, 2013 at 04:13 #

    This was very interesting…thanks. And your beginning comment “They are not all funny but those which are not funny are so useful….” was true…and I am happy you left them all in.


  2. benzeknees July 19, 2013 at 06:50 #

    My fave – work 8 hours & sleep 8 hours & make sure they aren’t the same 8 hours.


  3. David J. Bauman July 19, 2013 at 08:28 #

    There was a comedian once who said that his mother would always taunt him when he found something he thought was lost, by saying, “If it was a snake it would have bitten you!” His reply was, “If it was a snake I wouldn’t have been looking for it!”

    BTW, love this one: “The second mouse gets the cheese.” Which brings to mind this from Shel Silverstein:

    If you’re bird,
    be an early bird
    and catch the worm
    for your breakfast plate.
    If you’re a bird,
    be an early early bird.
    But if your a worm,
    sleep late.


  4. sanstorm July 19, 2013 at 11:34 #

    I resolve to be the second mouse. Is that harsh? Or just evolution…


  5. lanceleuven July 19, 2013 at 13:11 #

    Very good indeed!

    When people use the “Early bird catches the worm…” line on me I always reply “But gets caught by the insomniac cat.” It still hasn’t received the laugh I think it deserves. 😉


    • Colonialist July 19, 2013 at 18:37 #



      • lanceleuven July 19, 2013 at 19:40 #

        Wahey! Finally, someone’s appreciated it! Thank you! 🙂


  6. Katharine Trauger July 19, 2013 at 13:43 #

    Thanks for these, Tilly! I’ve heard some before, but love these kinds of reminders. And the funny ones were funny enough to make up for the serious ones. 😉


  7. Colonialist July 19, 2013 at 18:51 #

    They are all humour – just that some of it is of a wry variety.
    The early worm eaten by the early bird becomes a late worm; but the late bird catches the late worm who is then late twice.
    An idiot leading a group of wise men is an impossibility!


  8. jatwood4 July 20, 2013 at 00:34 #

    All good to know!


  9. July 20, 2013 at 03:49 #

    To cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. SOOO TRUE !


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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