I Stink Like Joey Tribbiani

5 Aug

Image from tumblr*

*Don’t those people know how to spell?

I have reached a point in my life – boys, you may want to look away now – when <whisper it> certain changes have begun to happen.

They are not particularly pleasant, though some make the men in my house run for cover, but they are not, so far, too dreadful.

Apart from one thing, which no one ever told me might happen (everyone run for cover now) – I stink.  I stink like Joey Tribbiani after three days’ fishing, no showers, fifteen hours’ sleep-catch-up in his clothes (I’m re-watching Friends).  I stink so bad, Charlton Heston offered me the use of his shower.

Friends (real friends; not fictional ones.  I’m menopausal, not crazy.  Though I’ve heard it’s hard for husbands to tell the difference) give me empathy and advice; my family give me a wide berth; Dictionary.com weighed in with today’s Word of the Day to explain what’s happening: it’s called hyperhidrosis, aka excessive sweating (I accidentally typed ‘excessive seating’.  I hear weight gain is another symptom).

But here’s the weird part – I only sweat in ONE ARMPIT.  I only stink in one armpit.

What’s that about?

The same armpit also burns in a mild way when I apply deodorant; though that may come from rubbing the pit raw in an effort to remove the stench.

Only half my body is affected by the change.  Is that why they call it perimenopause?

Male readers, I suggest you unsubscribe now.  The next five years are not going to be pretty.  And it’s all your fault.  Take the Hub with you while you’re at it.  

He’s begging you.

 

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31 Responses to “I Stink Like Joey Tribbiani”

  1. Ron. August 5, 2013 at 11:15 #

    As long as you’re only going to stink up my computer screen, I can probably stand it, TB. After all, it can’t get much worse than the stench of the dreck I’ve been writing lately…

    Like

  2. Karen Snyder August 5, 2013 at 13:37 #

    This, too, shall pass! 🙂

    Like

  3. SidevieW August 5, 2013 at 17:12 #

    4 letters’

    HRT

    Like

  4. Elaine - I used to be indecisive August 5, 2013 at 17:24 #

    Oh well, look on the plus side – it could be both armpits! ;0

    Like

  5. Laurie Nichols August 5, 2013 at 17:55 #

    Yes I am fast joining the club. You and I will be commiserating I think via our posts. I have just started the occasional hot flash and wow what an eyeopener. I seriously can’t believe that you stink though, you are too sweet to not smell like a rose. I can’t think why only one side of your sweat glands are operational, I think that must be pretty original. 🙂

    Like

  6. Grannymar August 5, 2013 at 18:22 #

    Quick off the top of my head tip – Sleep with a towel under the pillow. When the sweats started I spread the towel across my body right under my arms and down between my legs, so that no two parts touched. It certainly helped me.

    Remember, it does get better…. eventually!

    Like

  7. Viciously Sweet August 5, 2013 at 18:50 #

    I’m sorry about your odors.
    Actually, I think you may have inspired me to think about a highly specific greeting card line.
    I wish I had some grand advice… but instead I can say I feel for you.. hopefully it’s not too warm where you are or you can get a cold pack and attach it to your one armpit.

    Like

  8. Sallyann August 5, 2013 at 19:48 #

    Look on the bright side, at least you’ll save on heating bills this winter. 🙂

    Like

  9. Rorybore August 5, 2013 at 20:57 #

    I hear there is actual scientific research that your dominant hand – that armpit has more sweat glands – hence, stronger smell. I am right handed — when I sweat, the right definitely smells worse. so see….you are completely normal.
    but sadly, that doesn’t help the stink 🙂

    Like

  10. adinparadise August 5, 2013 at 21:43 #

    I’m almost speechless, Tilly. 😀 I’m with sidey, except it’s only 3 letters, not 4. 😕

    Like

  11. Mary Anne Komar August 5, 2013 at 23:15 #

    It’s all natures plan, and occasionally she needs a kick in her backside! Join the club, you’re amongst the super-charged set! Mary Anne

    Like

  12. jatwood4 August 6, 2013 at 17:52 #

    Oh, honey. I think you’ll find you’d rather be with your women friends right now anyway — tell the boys and the Hub you’ll be back in a couple of years. 😎

    Like

  13. benzeknees August 6, 2013 at 19:27 #

    Join the club Tilly Bud! I was perimenopausal for years – now menopausal. It will get worse before it gets better in some cases – just wait till the hair that used to be in some places magically starts to appear on your chin or nose! 🙂

    Like

  14. Al August 6, 2013 at 22:01 #

    Unsubscribe? You have got to be kidding! This is as good as it gets. Would you consider live streaming?

    (Of course, it’s easy for me to say with an ocean between us. Sorry, Hub)

    Like

  15. bluebee August 7, 2013 at 14:45 #

    The M word to me is like insects to you – a good friend asked me if I wanted to go and see ‘Menopause The Musical’. She may as well have asked me if I want to see ‘Bowel Movement The Musical’ – it’s a fact of life, but it ain’t entertainment & I don’t want to talk about it. However, YouTube posts of a naked TB dancing in the snow – now, that could be entertaining. I’m just saying…

    Like

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