I Stink Like Joey Tribbiani

Image from tumblr*

*Don’t those people know how to spell?

I have reached a point in my life – boys, you may want to look away now – when <whisper it> certain changes have begun to happen.

They are not particularly pleasant, though some make the men in my house run for cover, but they are not, so far, too dreadful.

Apart from one thing, which no one ever told me might happen (everyone run for cover now) – I stink.  I stink like Joey Tribbiani after three days’ fishing, no showers, fifteen hours’ sleep-catch-up in his clothes (I’m re-watching Friends).  I stink so bad, Charlton Heston offered me the use of his shower.

Friends (real friends; not fictional ones.  I’m menopausal, not crazy.  Though I’ve heard it’s hard for husbands to tell the difference) give me empathy and advice; my family give me a wide berth; Dictionary.com weighed in with today’s Word of the Day to explain what’s happening: it’s called hyperhidrosis, aka excessive sweating (I accidentally typed ‘excessive seating’.  I hear weight gain is another symptom).

But here’s the weird part – I only sweat in ONE ARMPIT.  I only stink in one armpit.

What’s that about?

The same armpit also burns in a mild way when I apply deodorant; though that may come from rubbing the pit raw in an effort to remove the stench.

Only half my body is affected by the change.  Is that why they call it perimenopause?

Male readers, I suggest you unsubscribe now.  The next five years are not going to be pretty.  And it’s all your fault.  Take the Hub with you while you’re at it.  

He’s begging you.