Joke 876

16 Aug

Lemons life #lemons #cut #bastards #tequila #f...

Lemons life (Photo credit: Sin Amigos)

Thanks to Charlie for sending today’s joke.  I have posted some of them before but they are worth repeating; and many are new.

For those enamoured with the philosophy of ambiguity and inanity…

  • One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
  • Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  • If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
  • The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
  • What do you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
  • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  • Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
  • How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
  • What was the best thing before sliced bread?
  • One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
  • Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word ‘lisp’ to have ‘s’ in it?
  • Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  • Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

7 Responses to “Joke 876”

  1. siggiofmaine August 16, 2013 at 04:21 #

    I don’t mind repeats of these…love them … great to get kids off the “knock/knock” jokes
    or to divert their attention for a moment.


  2. Katharine Trauger August 16, 2013 at 04:58 #

    Hubs is a forester. He goes where every other man goes to get away from it all: behind a newspaper!
    Loved the assterouds joke!

    And the turtle? — He’s dead! 😉


  3. List of X August 16, 2013 at 05:41 #

    “If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?”
    Absolutely – they will mutually annihilate and your stomach will be empty again.


  4. Kay's Musings August 16, 2013 at 08:21 #

    These are really really funny! I love the non-prophet one and the civil war!


  5. Grannymar August 16, 2013 at 14:44 #

    I must not be a bad girl…. Santa never calls. 😦


  6. colonialist August 16, 2013 at 22:47 #

    Very clever. They have something against atheists?
    I’ve been wondering why athiests call creatures ‘creatures’?


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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