Joke 882

Gerty’s Bill Cosby sweater (Photo credit: sukisuki)

The Wisdom Of Bill Cosby

• Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
• Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
• Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
• My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn’t because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
• No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behaviour, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behaviour is always normal.
• Old is always fifteen years from now.
• Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.
• Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
• Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.
• That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
• Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.
• You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.
• Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will  carry.
• Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back  home.
• Did  you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people  who look half-dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re  dying, of course, but they look terrific.
• Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

From Brainy Quotes and Seven Thoughts.