Joke 882

22 Aug
Gerty's Bill Cosby sweater

Gerty’s Bill Cosby sweater (Photo credit: sukisuki)

The Wisdom Of Bill Cosby

  • Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.
  • Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.
  • Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.
  • My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn’t because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.
  • No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behaviour, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behaviour is always normal.
  • Old is always fifteen years from now.
  • Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.
  • Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.
  • Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.
  • That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.
  • Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.
  • You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.
  • Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will  carry.
  • Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back  home.
  • Did  you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people  who look half-dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re  dying, of course, but they look terrific.
  • Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

From Brainy Quotes and Seven Thoughts.

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9 Responses to “Joke 882”

  1. slpmartin August 22, 2013 at 04:09 #

    Oh…these were just a perfect way to end my day.

    Like

  2. Terry August 22, 2013 at 04:14 #

    those were truly awesome! thanks for making me laugh before I turn in

    Like

  3. Sigrid Gerstner Stevens Saradunn August 22, 2013 at 06:51 #

    I absolutely LOVE Bill Cosby and quote him often…the one favorite quote of mine…
    “You aren’t really a parent if you only have one child because you always know who did it.”
    That may be paraphrased after all the years…
    just love him.
    Thanks.
    Peace
    Siggi

    Like

    • Hanna August 22, 2013 at 11:44 #

      This comment is too funny ^o^. I love bill cosby too.

      Like

  4. jatwood4 August 22, 2013 at 15:46 #

    I adore Bill Cosby! Thanks for the reminder.

    Like

  5. benzeknees August 22, 2013 at 16:32 #

    Did you ever see the customers in health – food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half-dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific. – This is the best!

    Like

  6. Grannymar August 22, 2013 at 18:25 #

    ‘Old is always fifteen years from now.’ – I hope it is at least twenty!

    Like

  7. Three Well Beings August 23, 2013 at 05:18 #

    He really is an amazingly witty man, isn’t he! He has tremendous insight! 🙂

    Like

  8. Musings August 23, 2013 at 06:29 #

    These are just so much fun! Thank you for the chuckles.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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