Joke 885

25 Aug
Message on notice board at St Peter & St Paul,...

Message on notice board at St Peter & St Paul, Shoreham (Photo credit: L2F1)

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

  • “Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a Terrible Experience’.”
  • “Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.”
  • “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
  • “A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.”
  • “Today’s Sermon: ‘How Much Can a Man Drink?’ with hymns from a full choir.”
  • On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: “God is good – Dr. Hargreaves is better.”
  • “Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.”
  • “The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.”
  • “Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”
  • “The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.”
  • A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
  • Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

From ahajokes.


11 Responses to “Joke 885”

  1. slpmartin August 25, 2013 at 04:19 #

    Must admit the one saying “who are not afflicted with any church.” was the funniest for me…I’d tell you why, but the story is longer than its merit. 🙂


  2. jmgoyder August 25, 2013 at 07:41 #



  3. Helen Cherry August 25, 2013 at 09:29 #

    Absolutely Hilarious! Especially on a Sunday morning


  4. jatwood4 August 25, 2013 at 10:42 #

    I belonged to a wwonderfully sinning choir once. On Sunday nights, we went dancing at a local oldies bar. My dear departed Baptist Grampy was spinning in his grave!


  5. Al August 25, 2013 at 12:39 #

    Dangling modifiers and participles strike again! Or as Groucho Mark once said: “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”


  6. sharechair August 25, 2013 at 13:11 #

    Let me know where that church is that offers ‘medication to follow’ …..I might enjoy that one. 🙂


  7. SchmidleysScribbling August 25, 2013 at 15:33 #

    I always enjoy church signs. I can’t decide among these if I like the idea of medication following a potluck supper, or church member visiting the afflicted. I have been afflicted by everyone and turned into a smart ass in the process. Imagine that, a 71-year old woman with a dodgy hip and a smart ass. Dianne


  8. Katharine Trauger August 26, 2013 at 01:31 #



  9. lanceleuven August 27, 2013 at 13:38 #

    Absolutely brilliant! 😀


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