Joke 885

25 Aug
Message on notice board at St Peter & St Paul,...

Message on notice board at St Peter & St Paul, Shoreham (Photo credit: L2F1)

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

  • “Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a Terrible Experience’.”
  • “Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.”
  • “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
  • “A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.”
  • “Today’s Sermon: ‘How Much Can a Man Drink?’ with hymns from a full choir.”
  • On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: “God is good – Dr. Hargreaves is better.”
  • “Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.”
  • “The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.”
  • “Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”
  • “The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.”
  • A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
  • Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

From ahajokes.

 

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11 Responses to “Joke 885”

  1. slpmartin August 25, 2013 at 04:19 #

    Must admit the one saying “who are not afflicted with any church.” was the funniest for me…I’d tell you why, but the story is longer than its merit. 🙂

    Like

  2. jmgoyder August 25, 2013 at 07:41 #

    Fantastic!

    Like

  3. Helen Cherry August 25, 2013 at 09:29 #

    Absolutely Hilarious! Especially on a Sunday morning

    Like

  4. jatwood4 August 25, 2013 at 10:42 #

    I belonged to a wwonderfully sinning choir once. On Sunday nights, we went dancing at a local oldies bar. My dear departed Baptist Grampy was spinning in his grave!

    Like

  5. Al August 25, 2013 at 12:39 #

    Dangling modifiers and participles strike again! Or as Groucho Mark once said: “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.”

    Like

  6. sharechair August 25, 2013 at 13:11 #

    Let me know where that church is that offers ‘medication to follow’ …..I might enjoy that one. 🙂

    Like

  7. SchmidleysScribbling August 25, 2013 at 15:33 #

    I always enjoy church signs. I can’t decide among these if I like the idea of medication following a potluck supper, or church member visiting the afflicted. I have been afflicted by everyone and turned into a smart ass in the process. Imagine that, a 71-year old woman with a dodgy hip and a smart ass. Dianne

    Like

  8. Katharine Trauger August 26, 2013 at 01:31 #

    😆 THE LOUDSPEAKER!

    Like

  9. lanceleuven August 27, 2013 at 13:38 #

    Absolutely brilliant! 😀

    Like

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