900 Days

9 Sep

Today is the 900th day of my 101 tasks in a 1001 days challenge.

I have told 900 jokes.  More than 900, probably, because some days the jokes are so bad I tell a few more in the hope of getting one weak but elongated laugh instead of a brief but definite chuckle, or – nirvana – a huge belly laugh.

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version)

Notifies people of a joke. (SVG version) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have to tell 101 more jokes to meet my challenge.  That’s 101 days or fourteen weeks and a few days or three and a half months and a bit days or a quarter of a year or a whole lot of hysteria because I want my last joke to be a laugh-out-loud-so-hard-you-pee-a-little joke so that I finish with a flourish.

I have yet to find one, despite having had 900 days so far in which to search.  That’s where you come in.

You knew when you started reading this post there was going to be work in it for you, didn’t you?  But I just sucked you right in, anyway.  Here’s my request: I need clean, funny jokes.  Send them to me.

I know that’s more like an order than a request, but the stress is getting to me. Sorry.  I can’t be funny and do all of the research and eat Maltesers instead of real food (I’m on a diet), now can I?

Speaking of which, the joke that is posted on the Last Day of the Challenge will earn a box of Maltesers.  I will post to anywhere in the world.

Maltesers in a tray.

Maltesers in a tray. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Please don’t let it be like last time, when I awarded a box for the best Christmas joke and I had to post it all the way to…Scotland (nae offence intended, Wee Scoops).  I want a funny joke from a foreigner; or from a non-foreigner residing in a foreign land. Somewhere overseas; and that doesn’t mean the Isle of Wight.

Local readers are, of course, encouraged to send jokes as well.  It’s not that I don’t value you; it’s that I want to see the Hub’s face when he has to pay postage to the other side of the world (are you listening, Australia?).  That would be a Christmas present worthy of the name.   I reiterate – no rude jokes (are you listening, Australia?).

If you have a joke for me, please email it to thelaughinghousewife@gmail.com. Please.  No, really.  I want a laugh-out-loud-I-didn’t-expect-the-punchline-my-ribs-hurt kind of joke.  I won’t part with my Maltesers for anything less.  

I mean it.  You know these hips don’t lie.

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33 Responses to “900 Days”

  1. vastlycurious.com September 9, 2013 at 14:46 #

    I am not much of a joke teller which is why I like yours so much but I will try! What will happen on day 1002 ??? :(((

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife September 9, 2013 at 14:56 #

      That’s cheating!

      And thanks 😀

      Like

      • vastlycurious.com September 9, 2013 at 22:49 #

        Nuh Uh 🙂 – You asked for jokes and you got em!

        Like

  2. Al September 9, 2013 at 15:18 #

    OK. I’m already working on one. I have the first part already: “Three Maltesers walk into a bar……..”

    Like

  3. bevchen September 9, 2013 at 15:19 #

    I don’t know any jokes! Not good ones anyway. I may find some more buzzfeeds in future though…

    Like

  4. slpmartin September 9, 2013 at 15:27 #

    Well this should be fun.

    Like

  5. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com September 9, 2013 at 16:00 #

    I’m trying (very trying)

    Like

  6. Sara September 9, 2013 at 16:54 #

    I know a joke about the Pope, the US President, Silvio Berlusconi and a child. It’s clean 🙂

    So… [all abovementioned characters] are on board a flight that sadly is crashing down. There are only 3 parachutes left.

    US President: “I am the President of the most powerful country in the world. I cannot die!”, grabs a parachute and jumps.

    Silvio Berlusconi: “I am the smartest / shrewdest man in the world. I cannot die!”, grabs a parachute and jumps.

    The Pope to the child: “Please, take the last parachute. I am an old man, you are young, save yourself.”

    The child to the Pope: “oh, don’t worry Your Eminence, the smartest man in the world just jumped out with my backpack!”

    (and this is why I’m not that famous for telling funny jokes 😉 )

    Like

  7. Elaine - I used to be indecisive September 9, 2013 at 16:58 #

    My thinking cap is on! It’s going to be tough…

    Like

  8. laurieanichols September 9, 2013 at 17:07 #

    I’ll get right on it. I know that I have heard some really funny ones, if I could only remember the punch line. I’m working on it. 🙂

    Like

  9. benzeknees September 9, 2013 at 18:18 #

    Now I’m going to have to work really hard at coming up with an exceptional joke so I can win a box of Maltesers! Mmmmm . . . Would these be Maltesers made with real English chocolate (like English Cadbury which is so much better than Canadian Cadbury). Plus the postage to Canada is horrendous!

    Like

  10. Rorybore September 9, 2013 at 19:37 #

    Oh….a challenge! and the possibility of a treat!
    best post ever. 🙂

    Like

  11. SchmidleysScribbling September 9, 2013 at 19:37 #

    How clean?

    Like

  12. Tom Merriman September 9, 2013 at 19:55 #

    Well done on getting so far along with your challenge, Tilly… I think I’ve all but given up on mine. There’s still time to catch up, but that’s all I seem to be doing with everything nowadays so I may just let it slide… I knew I would though, being honest!
    Now, as I live just up’th road from you, it hardly seems worth it me sending you a joke, so (and by my reckoning three and a bit months takes us to December) I was thinking of designing you a comical Christmas header. I was thinking that, but I’m now thinking of something more traditional. I don’t really know any jokes anyway.

    Like

  13. adinparadise September 9, 2013 at 21:19 #

    I’m not really good with jokes, but I love reading yours. I also adore Maltesers, so I’m tempted. 🙂

    Like

  14. colonialist September 9, 2013 at 21:33 #

    Mine won’t do. I make them up myself, and they are Really Awful.

    Like

  15. Janie Jones September 10, 2013 at 12:36 #

    A whole box of Maltesers I didn’t have to drive an hour and a half to get! Now that’s incentive. Too bad you already know all my jokes, that’s why I had to stop the Tuesday Titters!

    Like

  16. sharechair September 10, 2013 at 20:41 #

    This is why I count on you! I am joke-less. But I’ll keep my eyes and ears on alert.
    p.s… have you started a cookie jar fund for a plane ticket?

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife September 10, 2013 at 20:51 #

      First, empty your cookie jar…munch munch munch 🙂

      Like

    • The Laughing Housewife September 10, 2013 at 20:52 #

      And yes! Only it’s a handbag-shaped money box I picked up off a car boot sale for 20p. Got about 43 pence in it so far. The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first 43 pence 🙂

      Like

  17. Grannymar September 12, 2013 at 08:03 #

    Scratches head nand thinks……

    Like

  18. Lori October 4, 2013 at 22:56 #

    I sent you one. Hope you like it!

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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