Joke 908

17 Sep


Ski season is almost here!  Here are some exercises to help you prepare: 

  • Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for a half an hour.  Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
  • Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
  • Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night.
  • If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
  • Throw away a hundred-dollar bill now.
  • Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
  • Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
  • Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
  • Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into you at high-speed.
  • Go to McDonald’s and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line.
  • Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
  • Drive slowly for five hours – anywhere – as long as it’s in a snowstorm and you’re following an 18 wheeler.
  • Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes.
  • Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
  • Slam your thumb in a car door. Don’t see a doctor.
  • Repeat all of the above every weekend until it’s time for the real thing.

From ahajokes

13 Responses to “Joke 908”

  1. slpmartin September 17, 2013 at 04:03 #

    Hmm…in SoCal winter is something we visit. 🙂


  2. Musings September 17, 2013 at 06:06 #

    I love that sign! Too too funny! No problem with that in Hawaii.


  3. September 17, 2013 at 07:15 #

    No thanks.


  4. judyt54 September 17, 2013 at 13:34 #

    perfect. My husband is a former skier, and in my early (foolish) years I used to go with him. The leg is better now, but i still limp during the rainy season.

    and this is hysterical. I actually laughed out loud.


  5. adinparadise September 17, 2013 at 18:59 #

    Think I’ll give skiing a miss this year. 🙂


  6. Katharine Trauger September 18, 2013 at 04:26 #

    Very, very funny! Except I love snow and freezing and being wet. Mmm! 🙂


  7. bluebee September 18, 2013 at 12:35 #

    I tried skiing for he first time in my life in 2011 and just couldn’t get comfortable in any of the boots I tried. And then I developed nerve damage in my feet, so now I’m the one in the bar, drinking schnapps and staying warm 🙂


  8. SchmidleysScribbling September 18, 2013 at 15:41 #

    Skiing, no. Never. I have enough hip problems thank you. I posted a cow photo just for you. Dianne


  9. Grannymar September 19, 2013 at 09:33 #

    Armchair skiing is the only game for me!


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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