Joke 909

18 Sep

Short jokes, because long jokes take too, um, long, to copy & paste.

  • ‘Employee of the month’ is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.   Demetri Martin
  • What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?  A stick.   Traditional
  • Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.   George Burns
  • How do you call a prison inmate?  Use a cell phone.   Unknown
  • Nelson Mandela, he’s been out of prison for 16 years and hasn’t re-offended. I think he’s going straight. Which shows you, prison works.   Ricky Gervais
  • Why do seagulls live near the sea? Because if they lived near the bay, they’d be called bagels.   Unknown
  • I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.   Rita Rudner
  • I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner.   Lenny Bruce
  • I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.   Steven Wright

From bitcomedy


11 Responses to “Joke 909”

  1. slpmartin September 18, 2013 at 04:21 #

    Got a few chuckles from these short ones…always good to go to bed with a smile.


  2. Terry September 18, 2013 at 04:40 #

    love the saying on the T-shirt!


  3. bevchen September 18, 2013 at 07:30 #

    Bagels! Ha!

    Love the T-shirt.


  4. September 18, 2013 at 10:33 #

    That George Burns one is too true to be anything but hilarious!


  5. sharechair September 18, 2013 at 12:35 #

    Lots of good ones here!


  6. SchmidleysScribbling September 18, 2013 at 15:03 #

    Speaking of the Pope. He called a gal here in the US after she refused to abort her baby (her boyfriend had dumped her after telling her to get rid of the pregnancy) and offered to baptize the baby.


  7. lanceleuven September 18, 2013 at 16:01 #

    That Ricky Gervais one is brilliant! 😀


  8. adinparadise September 18, 2013 at 18:19 #

    Why does the person wearing this T-shirt, have such a small waist? 🙂
    Love the Mandela one.


  9. Grannymar September 19, 2013 at 09:36 #

    Quick easy laughs are what I need this a.m.


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