Joke 964

All right, thou yeasty dog-hearted foot-lickers, time for some intellectual jokes!

Calcium has a posse. (Photo credit: fatllama)

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Two atoms were walking down the street.  One atom says to the other, “I’ve lost an electron!”

The second atom asks, “Are you sure?”

The first atom replies, “I’m positive.”

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Q: What is the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?
A: An etymologist would know the difference

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This one isn’t really a joke but I like it so much, I have to share it.  Do me a favour and insult me in the Shakespearean style in the comments.  And go heavy on the alliteration, if you like: I rather fancy myself as a pribbling plume-plucked pumpion.

THE OFFICIAL DO-IT YOURSELF SHAKESPEAREAN INSULT KIT 

To construct a Shakespearean insult, combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with ‘Thou’: 

Column 1. |. Column 2. |. Column 3 

artless. |. base-court. |. apple-john 
beslubbering. |. beef-witted. |. barnacle 
bootless. |. beetle-headed. |. bladder 
churlish. |. boil-brained. |. boar-pig 
clouted. |. clay-brained. |. bum-bailey 
craven. |. common-kissing. |. canker-blossom 
dankish. |. dizzy-eyed. |. coxcomb 
droning. |. doghearted. |. codpiece 
fobbing. |. elf-skinned. |. flap-dragon 
gleeking. |. flap-mouthed. |. foot-licker 
goatish. |. fly-bitten. |. fustilarian 
impertinent. |. fool-born. |. gudgeon 
jarring. |. guts-griping. |. harpy 
loggerheaded. |. half-faced. |. hedge-pig 
mammering. |. hedge-born. |. hugger-mugger 
mewling. |. idle-headed. |. lewdster 
pribbling. |. ill-nurtured. |. maggot-pie 
puking. |. knotty-pated. |. malt-worm 
puny. |. milk-livered. |. mammet 
qualling. |. motley-minded. |. measle 
rank. |. onion-eyed. |. minnow 
reeky. |. plume-plucked. |. miscreant 
roguish. |. pottle-deep. |. moldwarp 
ruttish. |. pox-marked. |. mumble-news 
surly. |. rump-fed. |. puttock 
tottering. |. shard-borne. |. pumpion 
unmuzzled. |. sheep-biting. |. ratsbane 
venomed. |. swag-bellied. |. skainsmate 
villainous. |. tardy-gaited. |. strumpet 
weedy. |. unchin-snouted. |. whey-face 
yeasty. |. weather-bitten. |. Wagtail

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source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Intellectual#ixzz2kNLuQjhJ