Joke 975

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Trojan-Horse illustration (Photo credit: HikingArtist.com)

Airline virus: You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we’re not exactly sure what it does.

Congressional Virus:The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus 1: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus 2: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn’t do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

New World Order virus: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack—once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically Correct virus: Never calls itself a “virus”, but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro-organism”.

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the “Tricky Dicky Virus”.  You can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won’t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counsellor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.