Mike walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The barmaid looks at the creature and asks Mike what he calls it.
‘Tiny’, answers Mike.
‘Why’s that?’ enquires the barmaid.
‘Because he’s my newt.’
[Think about it…]
This is from May 2010, Joke 51:
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and lose), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, “It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up.”
And a bonus joke (49), because it rings so true:
Two philosophers were in a restaurant, discussing whether there was a difference between misfortune and disaster.
“There is most certainly a difference,” said one. “If the cook suddenly died and we couldn’t have our dinner, that would be a misfortune – but certainly not a disaster. On the other hand, if a cruise ship carrying the Government was to sink in the middle of the ocean, that would be a disaster – but by no stretch of the imagination would it be a misfortune.”