Joke 992

10 Dec

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu.  The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.

However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the birds’ beaks and claws. By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause: when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”

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Thanks to Granny1947 for this one.

From the archive:

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My husband uses a kitchen implement to shred garlic and parmesan cheese, both of which I hate.

It really is the grater of two evils.

Five Tips For Women

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn’t lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don’t know each other.

Three couples were having tea one day.  The conversation was somewhat desultory so one of the men, trying to get a laugh, said to his wife, “Pass the honey, honey!”  The others laughed.

A moment later, the second man said, “Pass the sugar, sugar!” This got a bigger laugh, so the third man decided to join in the fun.

He waited for the perfect opportunity, cleared his throat and then confidently said, “Pass the tea, bag!”

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11 Responses to “Joke 992”

  1. Pseu December 10, 2013 at 12:19 #

    That’s a very full jokes page this morning!

    Like

  2. sharechair December 10, 2013 at 13:03 #

    So my aging eyes read the first paragraph of the first joke as “cows” instead of “crows”. 200 dead COWS killed by vehicles presents quite a mind image……… 😯

    Like

  3. SchmidleysScribbling December 10, 2013 at 13:13 #

    Good ones! Are you finishing up in a blaze of glory??

    Like

  4. Janie Jones December 10, 2013 at 13:21 #

    I love Henrietta buying eggs! LOL!

    Like

  5. lanceleuven December 10, 2013 at 14:17 #

    That lion photo is epic! 😀

    Like

  6. Rorybore December 10, 2013 at 15:23 #

    Ha – love the married lions one! I have the same picture, except the caption is “I NOT HAS PMS!!!”

    Like

  7. slpmartin December 10, 2013 at 16:24 #

    Although I enjoyed all of these, the first one was my favorite.

    Like

  8. colonialist December 10, 2013 at 16:42 #

    Some delightfully groanworthy ones!

    Like

  9. Grannymar December 10, 2013 at 21:21 #

    The crows and Henrietta did it for me!

    Like

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Nicola Hulme Author

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