Joke 996

Some not particularly funny jokes about Facebook:

• Did you hear about the website where you can find a collection of Twitter’s best jokes?  It’s called Facebook.
• When I was kid, my social network was called “outside”.
• When FaceBook, MySpace and Twitter merge into one super social networking company what will it be called?  “My Twit Face.”

From jokes4us.com

Some so-so Facebook statuses:

• My wife’s jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
• The average power nap is 20 minutes. This works out well because I can fit 3 of them evenly into one hour.
• I am wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome :p
• I like to stop the microwave with 1 second to go. Makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
• I love in horror movies how the person yells out “hello?!” as if the killer is gonna say “yeah I’m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?”

From blog.thoughtpick.com

Some late night jokes about Facebook:

• “It’s an interesting new feature. Soon you’ll be able to find anything you want on Facebook, except for the thousands of hours of your life you lost going on Facebook.” – Jimmy Kimmel
• “Some people use Facebook to check up on ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends. That just seems creepy to me. I like it the old-fashioned way. If you want to check up on an ex, go through their trash.” – Craig Ferguson
• “Mark Zuckerberg got married. Their reception was annoying, though. Right when everyone got used to the seating arrangement, Zuckerberg changed the layout for no reason.” – Jimmy Fallon
• “As of Friday you’ll all be able to buy shares of Facebook. This is perfect for anyone who’s ever logged on, looked at pictures of their friend eating a sandwich, and thought, ‘Now there’s a sound investment.'” – Conan O’Brien
• “This week investors will be able to buy shares of Facebook stock for the first time ever. It’s great — now you can lose all your money in the same place you lost all your time.” – Jimmy Fallon
• “There’s a new Facebook app that will post a final status update for you after you die. That’s ridiculous. I don’t need someone to change my status when I die. I need them to water my Farmville crops.” – Jimmy Fallon
• “Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year. They said he has single-handedly changed the way we waste time at work.” – Jay Leno

From politicalhumourabout.com

From the archive:

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The Hub was explaining to me last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature.

I said, ‘I’d like to come back as a cow.’

He said, ‘You’re obviously not listening.’

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The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.

Talk about Dyson with death.

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I’m in trouble with the wife. We were in bed and she asked what I would like to do most with her body.

Apparently, “Identify it” wasn’t the right answer.

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A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

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Velcro – what a rip-off.

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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job?

She couldn’t control her pupils.