One Part Prompt/Two Parts Silly

28 May

 

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If you were one part human, two parts something else — another animal, a plant, an inanimate object — what would the other two parts be?

Before I started my weight loss programme (not a diet; I don’t do diets), I was one part human/two parts Maltesers.  Now, I am mostly one part human/two parts hungry.

The Hub says I am one part human/two parts vampire i.e. sucked the life right out of him.

Scratch that, he didn’t say anything of the sort.  But he did offer to slice me open to find out.  Consider me one part grateful/two parts terrified.

*

Here’s a prompt response I found in my drafts folder:

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT! What’s your favorite way to spend Saturday night?

A movie, a large packet of cheese & onion crisps and a glass or three of JC Le Roux’s La Chanson.

I’m writing this post at seven-thirty on Saturday night, in bed with a hot water bottle.  No, the Hub is not giving me the cold shoulder because I was mean about him one too many times (like there’s a limit…); I sneezed today and put out my back.  The power of snot.

Talking of my favourite wine, Number One Son bought me a bottle for Mother’s Day.  Then helped me drink it.

Now he’s Number Two Son.

*

Think about an object, an activity, or a cultural phenomenon you really don’t like. Now write a post (tongue in cheek or not — your call!) about why it’s the best thing ever.

Writing responses to WordPress prompts is the best thing ever because it allows me to make fun of the most off-the-wall people on the planet.

No, really.  They are as much fun as dieting.

*

Your local electronics store has just started selling time machines, anywhere doors, and invisibility helmets. You can only afford one. Which of these do you buy, and why?

I think I’d buy the invisibility helmet.  I like the idea of walking around scaring people when they see a headless body.

And think of how much weight loss that adds to my non-diet…  No one can call me fathead any more!

*

The friendly, English-speaking extraterrestrial you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?

Of course, it would be an alien that spoke to my headless body, wouldn’t it? Because it wouldn’t know I was weird.

And the book – as you regular readers must surely know – would have to be Ender’s Game, in which we earthlings kick some alien butt.

Damn aliens, coming over here and stealing all our humanity.

*

When you do something scary or stressful — bungee jumping, public speaking, etc. — do you prefer to be surrounded by friends or by strangers? Why?

I prefer to be safe in my bedroom, not jumping off or on to platforms, thank you very much.

You are all welcome to crowd in, of course; but I get the window side of the bed.

*

You’ve been given the superpower to change one law of nature. How do you use it?

Crisps and Maltesers would be one of my five-a-day.

Do you not know me at all, WordPress?

*

What’s the one guilty pleasure you have that’s so good, you no longer feel guilty about it?

Tormenting WordPress Prompters.

Oh, and breaking wind…there’s no smell, now I eat properly.

What?  Nobody comes here for the dainty English refinement – you know that, right?

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32 Responses to “One Part Prompt/Two Parts Silly”

  1. vastlycurious.com May 28, 2014 at 16:22 #

    You have a great smile for a Vampire :⫸

    Like

  2. slpmartin May 28, 2014 at 16:29 #

    Oh…the Hub is always so thoughtful. 🙂 Thanks for the morning chuckles.

    Like

  3. SchmidleysScribbling May 28, 2014 at 16:53 #

    I’ve been thinking about this clever blog, and decided you are one part funny, one part nasty to your poor long suffering other half, and one part oh that’s right, you only have two halves.

    Like

  4. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com May 28, 2014 at 18:51 #

    Shame about the Maltesers not being on your non-diet. It’s refreshing to see you knocking the WP prompters again after such a long break. xox

    Like

  5. Grannymar May 28, 2014 at 19:14 #

    I bet the WP prompters missed you, just like we missed this kind of post!

    Like

  6. benzeknees May 28, 2014 at 22:54 #

    Take a malteser & you’ll feel better in the morning!

    Like

  7. laurieanichols May 28, 2014 at 23:40 #

    My daughter throws out her back when she sneezes, not all of the time, but it happens enough that I keep the heating pad very handy. I laughed during the entire post. I love the invisibility helmut and the chance encounter with alien while carrying an edition of Ender’s Game. Perfect! I needed a good laugh today, thanks Tilly dearest!

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife May 29, 2014 at 10:24 #

      So sorry you needed the laugh but very happy that I provided it 🙂

      Like

      • laurieanichols May 29, 2014 at 15:15 #

        You are by far one of the funniest people that I know and one of the sweetest too :D. I find that when I don’t see you for a while, I miss you a lot. You have become in my heart a friend. 🙂

        Like

  8. katharinetrauger May 29, 2014 at 04:14 #

    Best “what’s it all about” movie is a play: Twelve Angry Men. Absolutely all about humans, although missing the female gender a tad…

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife May 29, 2014 at 10:25 #

      Thus proving your point 🙂

      Like

      • katharinetrauger May 29, 2014 at 14:09 #

        Well, sort of. It’s about a jury trial in the days when only men were roped into that duty. It’s been remade and renamed many times, into things with much more clumsy titles such as “Twelve Angry Jurors”. Ick.
        I like men and think they’re cool, though, so maybe I’m prejudice? Ha.

        Like

  9. Rorybore May 29, 2014 at 04:47 #

    I think I would take the anywhere door. Imagine all the places you could travel. and I am sure there would be food there too. but yeah, I am not jumping or flying off anything either.

    Like

  10. BeckySefton May 29, 2014 at 10:24 #

    I love the cartoon!!! My way of burning calories 😉

    Like

  11. colonialist May 29, 2014 at 16:37 #

    Try the pepper cure? Makes you sneeze, and you can back that to throw the back back in. Don’t they do diet Maltesers?

    Like

  12. formance May 29, 2014 at 21:27 #

    chocolate’s hard to quit. hope your back comes back in soon. what does it think it is traipsing in and out like that?

    Like

  13. sarsm June 10, 2014 at 13:35 #

    Oh no your poor back! We are a right pair – yesterday I got up with a terrible rash around both my eyes on a bed of puffiness, with some itching and burning thrown in. I took an antihistamine and now my skins looks good in it’s own leathery sort of way. So obviously I took an allergic reaction, but to what? That’s the million pound/Euro (I’d take either) question…
    Hope your back’s popped back into position already.

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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