A Little Ocular Jocularity

23 Oct

Image from PictureSpider

I’ve had a busy few weeks, giving poetry readings and attending poetry events of one sort or another.  A lot of saliva flies around at poetry readings; have you noticed?  Sibilance by its very nature demands a level of spit not seen anywhere outside of a snake hissing contest.

The result of all that liberated discharge, however, is that at some point I contracted a cold.  I felt rough – really rough; rougher than a cold should make one feel; but I am of a delicate nature, of course, as I might have mentioned once or several hundred times.  I was useless for the first three days and then the mucus began its exodus and then it eased and then I started with a sore throat and then the sneezies came.

It was at that point, lying in bed feeling very sorry for myself, that I remembered that I had once read that you can’t sneeze with your eyes open, or your eyeballs will fall out.

Now this is one of those things that I believed I didn’t believe, so when I felt a sneeze coming on, I decided to try to keep my eyes open.  The things we invalids have to do to keep ourselves amused.

When it came to it, however, I chickened out. Apparently, I do believe that if I sneeze with my eyes open, my eyeballs will fall out. I was assailed with a terrible image of a huge sneeze and…plop…plop…stinging eyeballs caused by carpet fibres (apparently you can feel carpet fibres even though your retinas are literally detached.  In my world, anyway).   I could hear myself screaming at the Hub, My eyes!  My eyes!  Don’t stand on my eyes!  

There was I at three a.m., 52 years old and afraid to sneeze in case my baby blues fell out. (My baby blues are actually hazel, but ‘baby hazels’ doesn’t have the same ring to it).  I think may have overdosed on the cough medicine.

Tell me you’ve got a similarly ludicrous fear; please.  Eye don’t want to be alone.

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31 Responses to “A Little Ocular Jocularity”

  1. Ron. October 23, 2015 at 12:16 #

    I’m afraid of spiders
    coming back to life
    after I’ve eaten them.

    I’m not afraid of dogs,
    not afraid of the dark,
    but I’m petrified
    when dogs bark at me
    in the howling night,
    their yellow eyes aglow
    and little silver dogtags
    tinkling the last song
    I’ll probably ever hear.

    I’m afraid of being
    swallowed alive or
    swallowed at all
    dead or alive, like a
    dish of dogfood or
    a big old spoonful
    of spider souffle

    Liked by 1 person

  2. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com October 23, 2015 at 12:29 #

    I am incredibly credulous, believe lots of old wilve’s tales but fear only pain and boredom.

    I wish you a speedy return to spitting health. (I try to keep sibilance to a minimum in my poetry!)

    Liked by 1 person

  3. McGuffy Ann October 23, 2015 at 13:05 #

    I fear spiders getting into my clothes or shoes, or my bed, and me not knowing until it is too late. I always check first! also have extreme claustrophobia, so I fear being buried alive. Caves and mines freak me out. What if they cave in?! Just talking about it make break out in a cold sweat! *shudder*

    Liked by 1 person

  4. McGuffy Ann October 23, 2015 at 13:06 #

    I fear spiders getting into my clothes or shoes, or my bed, and me not knowing until it is too late. I always check first! I also have extreme claustrophobia, so I fear being buried alive. Caves and mines freak me out. What if they cave in?! Just talking about it makes me break out in a cold sweat! *shudder*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Al October 23, 2015 at 13:15 #

    The only ludicrous fear I have is a fear of blogs about eyeballs falling out. How silly to think that would ever happen!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. katharinetrauger October 23, 2015 at 13:23 #

    We tend to fear things that are not probable. Flying bothers me…or rather, failing to fly once “up there”. They don’t make huge headlines about aircraft that fly, do they. It’s the ones that don’t fly that make the headlines. Millions of other jets go unnoticed on my radar.
    Sensible things, like the fact that black widow spiders seem to love our locale, do not even cross my mind, most of the time, even though a friend was actually bitten, and could not have the anti-venom, due to the fact that it is identical to rattlesnake anti-venom and we have rattlesnakes, too. Just take a phone with you to do chores, is all.
    And I go outdoors, around the house, with a fly swatter because I’ve been stung once and the wasps are fairly aggressive these days, not even worried.
    We’re all a bit crazy that way, I think.

    Like

    • The Laughing Housewife October 23, 2015 at 15:28 #

      I think we just get so used to stuff, we stop worrying about it.

      But consider me impressed with your sanguinity 🙂

      Like

      • katharinetrauger October 23, 2015 at 23:42 #

        Ha! Forgot to say I pray a lot when I’m in rattlesnake vicinity…:\

        Like

  7. judyt54 October 23, 2015 at 14:33 #

    In a state full of loose shale and granite and rocks that now and then dislodge themselves I have a not entirely goofy fear of being UNDER large objects of any sort. Or in one of those ha ha caves where the guide says,” it’s through here or back to the car with you”–and I always think, what if we have a tremor? Earthquakes do happen now and then.

    anything cave-like humorously named the Lemon Squeeze, Ladies Regret, or Fat Man’s Folly…not funny.

    Now I have to wait for the next sneeze to try the eyeball thing. Thank you Tilly, you never disappoint.

    Like

  8. slpmartin October 23, 2015 at 16:36 #

    Hmm…not sure about the eyeballs popping out…but did fully enjoy reading your post and wish you a very speedy recovery.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. laurieanichols October 23, 2015 at 23:54 #

    I walk in my sleep and I have left the house on two ocassions so I fear not waking up in my bed. Lately though being so tired has cured me of sleep walking, which is very good because I don’t want to wander around Blandford in the middle of the night.

    Like

  10. sharechair October 24, 2015 at 00:18 #

    tornadoes. You can leave before a hurricane hits …. but tornadoes just pop down and blow your house (and you) away. Just ask Dorothy.

    Like

    • judyt54 October 24, 2015 at 01:10 #

      oh you had to mention tornadoes–add that to the list

      Like

      • judyt54 October 26, 2015 at 23:30 #

        Fear not, Tilly, I did some experimenting (hay fever does now and then come in handy) and found that you can indeed, if you work at it, keep your eyes open–just a brief blink, actually–when you sneeze. Nothing loosened, jiggled, or plopped into my soup, so I’d say you’re pretty safe in the sneeze department.

        Like

  11. Debra October 24, 2015 at 06:51 #

    I am definitely “fear-prone,” but I don’t think I can come up with any of my own that are quite on par with this. LOL! You’ve done it again, though–you’ve made me laugh!

    Like

  12. Rorybore October 28, 2015 at 06:45 #

    I actually tried this too! or..should I say, tried not to? Anyway, short story: I almost peed my pants because it only resulted in the most violent sneeze ever in the history of irritated noses. I don’t even know if my eyes did in fact stay open because I personally feel wetting oneself is worse than eyes popping out. LOL

    Like

  13. Grannymar November 8, 2015 at 12:20 #

    I am a past master at sudden onset sneezes, and a couple of years ago I was forbidden to sneeze, cough, yawn or eat chewable food for six weeks following a ‘black out’ fall. They were not worried about my eyes falling out, but of further damage to the delicate bone under my eye. Thankfully I healed and lived to tell the tale.

    Like

    • Grannymar November 8, 2015 at 12:25 #

      I forgot to say that I knew a lady who sneezed suddenly and violently while at work one day. Her eyes stayed in place but her dentures flew across the office and hit a Director of the company as he entered the office! True story.

      Like

    • judyt54 November 8, 2015 at 12:49 #

      grannymar, how do you NOT sneeze or yawn? It almost seems as if the struggle not to could be more damaging than the act itself–yikes–

      Like

      • Grannymar November 8, 2015 at 13:56 #

        Judy, with difficulty!

        I did hide the pepper pot for the duration, but the sloppy food was so boring I spent my time dreading it instead of thinking about the yawns and sneezes. There was one guy at the hospital with his jaws wired together and he could only have liquidised food. He was a burger fan, so ordered a Big Mac & Coke, put all in the blender and drank it through a straw!!

        Like

        • judyt54 November 8, 2015 at 15:07 #

          lol I had a week of no solid food (dental work) and managed fairly well with yougurt, and chicken broth laced with just a titch of white wine. We were very happy.

          But six weeks of blender food…you deserve medals for that one.

          Like

          • Grannymar November 9, 2015 at 09:19 #

            Mine was more like baby food, soft rather than blended, soft stews, soups and egg dishes. No steaks or chops.

            Like

  14. SchmidleysScribblins November 15, 2015 at 15:16 #

    I’m glad you didn’t lose yoreyeballs. BTW the FB site ‘Tree of Life’ is now stalking me. 😉

    Like

  15. SchmidleysScribblins November 15, 2015 at 15:17 #

    I retread this after I posted it. Obviously my eyeballs did fall out!

    Like

  16. siggiofmaine November 22, 2015 at 00:33 #

    Your remembering that: “you can’t sneeze with your eyes open, or your eyeballs will fall out” was an eye opener for me…
    and I will do my best to pass the word along…old nurses never die, they keep on looking for more home remedies/cautions/words from the wise.
    I’m sure you know that you know you are getting old if you have cross your legs to cough and sneeze… and that leaves your hands free to catch your eyeballs…
    so now it all makes sense !

    Like

  17. beeblu November 28, 2015 at 04:05 #

    Tee hee. 😀

    I often have dreams that my eyes have turned backwards in their sockets and I can’t get them back to normal.

    Like

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Nicola Hulme Author

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