Flushed Away

8 Jun

To My Children: I’d tell you to stop reading now but one day you’ll have menopausal wives and I want you to be understanding husbands, like your father, so have at it.

Image result for menopause funny

I have gone from being peri-menopausal to very menopausal, and last Sunday I had to leave church halfway through the service because I had one hot flush after another; so many that I was sweating bobbers, as we say here oop north.


What is a bobber?

According to Google:

a person who rides on a bobsleigh.
a float used in angling.

So, the menopause is causing elite sportsmen in weird clothing to cascade down my person?  Sounds fishy to me; and not at all the sort of thing I want to be bothered with in the middle of a woman-made heatwave.

Image result for menopause funny

Back to my story: there I was, sweating for Africa, even though our usual British summer plays more like an African winter – or a British winter, come to that: central heating on in June?  Go for it.

I was feeling ill and extremely ill tempered; so I left church.  I’m afraid the menopause is going to make me an atheist.

I know they call it ‘the change’ but that isn’t the kind of change I expected.

I have to tell you – hot flushes…I’m not a fan.  Though I’m thinking of investing in a fan.  Maybe even a fan company.  Or an air conditioning company; or an ice company.  I’m surprised these companies aren’t all run by women of a certain age.  My age.

Trust me, we don’t need to worry about a New Ice Age: just put a bunch of menopausal women at the front of the line, give ’em a cup of tea, and let ’em have at nature.

And then bring on the HRT.  Please!

Image result for menopause funny


24 Responses to “Flushed Away”

  1. sarsm June 8, 2017 at 12:47 #

    We women are so blessed. My 18 year old daughter left for her holiday job crying about her period pain and mood swings. I did the best I could, I shovelled her full of painkillers and chocolate.
    I haven’t reached the hot flushes stage yet. But I’ve already had my womb scraped as I was bleeding heavily, 19 days a month and after the surgeon had done his business, he said I had the womb of a 50 year old woman. I was 41. I could have slapped his jolly face….
    My mood swings are terrible. Sometimes I actually fear for my children. And my husband. I don’t fear for my neighbours. I don’t like them. But I quite like my my family…
    My headaches are horrendous.
    The doctor gave me a hormone gel. I am now a gel junkie. My husband has become quite attatched to my gel too. He keeps saying things like, “Sarah, I really think you NEED your gel NOW.” He’s a good husband. The gel is amazing. It works within about 20 minutes. Then I’m almost like my old self. Almost.

    Liked by 2 people

    • The Laughing Housewife June 9, 2017 at 09:38 #

      You poor thing. You had me crying; and crying with laughter. I’ve had it a lot easier than most, thankfully; but I feel your pain. And your husband’s pain 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  2. patrecia upton June 8, 2017 at 12:57 #

    I am sorry to hear that you are both suffering..really sorry. I had hysterectomy many years ago so no problems at all..maybe you should ask your doctor if this is possible. I did have HRT for a while afterwards which recharged my batteries but after a year or two I left them off as there are no actual findings of tests to find what long term usage causes. Best of Luck Ladies.  

    Sent: Thursday, June 08, 2017 at 2:26 PM

    Liked by 1 person

  3. MELewis June 8, 2017 at 12:58 #

    The irony is that wine and all alcohol (along with sugar, spice and everything nice or what makes life bearable) only aggravate the flushes. It’s been ten years for me, I know of what I speak. But HRT? Non, merci!

    Liked by 1 person

    • The Laughing Housewife June 9, 2017 at 09:41 #

      I usually drink 8-10 cups of black tea a day (decaf) but I’ve had to cut back because even a lukewarm cup (yuck) brings on a hot flush. It sucks to be a girl 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Judy June 8, 2017 at 13:10 #

    oh you all have my undying sympathy. I hit perimenopause (and didnt even realize it for wayyy too long) when I was in my early 30s, and lets just say it was interesting, in about the same way a tilt-a-whilrl is interesting. Just let me get OFF. Menopause was at 40. Yes, that’s early Then my hair started falling out in cascades, and I started gaining weight.
    Anyone reading this, get yourself a big bottle of Vitamin D–it’s a hormone all by itself, and can make life a lot easier. i’ve taken the full dose for years, and it helps the mood swings, the hot flashes, the hair loss, all of it.
    I spent a good ten years of my life wearing layers, each one had to button, so I could escape now and then when the hot flash hit. And an entire winter sleeping on top of the blankets in a 50 deg. room. Lol.

    I may have to have a sympathy hot flash for all of you…oh, one more thing. If you have one, don’t mention it to any woman your age or older in the room, it’s contagious, and if you don’t melt the windows, you’ll all die of heat prostation. .

    Liked by 2 people

    • The Laughing Housewife June 9, 2017 at 09:43 #

      Hahaha! I’ll be careful!

      Thanks for the tip about the VD 🙂 I’ll go buy some when I’m done here and then stop complaining because everyone so far seems to have had it much worse than me.


  5. Al June 8, 2017 at 14:33 #

    So, it’s not farting cows that are causing climate change after all!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Janie Jones June 8, 2017 at 15:28 #

    I too have begun the long inexorable march toward liberation from my monthly woes. And what a price to pay. Hot flashes have yet to be a huge problem, but the mood swings are making me feel like an alien. I have plenty enough emotional turmoil in my life right now, and then add to it a complete inability to control this new level of unexpected anxiety and emotional crisis and, well, there is just no words for the frustration. It feels rather like an out of body experience. I’ll be sitting at work crying, and inside my own head I’m like, who the Hell are you and what IS your problem? At first I thought I was finally just losing my mind to all the obvious life stresses. Then I noticed the other pre-menopause symptoms, did the math for the ages of my female relatives when they started “The Change” and I was able to say “Great! I’m not a total basket case because I’m losing my mind. It’s just pre-menopause hormone imbalances.” That made me feel SO much better. In case you didn’t hear the dripping sarcasm, I assure you it was implied. ‘Scuse me, I feel another crying fit coming on…

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Patti June 8, 2017 at 16:31 #

    It can be exhausting. I remember nights of throwing blankets off and pulling them back on what seemed like dozens of times a night and my husband practically getting burnt when he came up to hug me. But it will pass. Some day you’ll feel chilly again.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. slpmartin June 8, 2017 at 16:46 #

    Judy affords a new theory for global warming.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Judy June 8, 2017 at 19:02 #

      aha. it’s our fault, I just knew someone would figure that out.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Home's Cool! June 9, 2017 at 02:49 #

    So glad all the global warming jokes have already been offered up! 😀
    Over here, we don’t call them “flushes” but “flashes”. So you were flashing in church. Gal, you beat all! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  10. beeblu June 11, 2017 at 04:46 #

    If that happens to me, I’m going straight for the HRT. Quality of life, and all that, y’know?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. granny1947 June 11, 2017 at 10:38 #

    Oh Dear…who told you it only lasts for ten years?
    Buckle up love, you are in for the long haul!
    With friends like me you don’t need enemies!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Bridgesburning Chris June 13, 2017 at 00:27 #

    I remember it well, with no hard feelings, and someday you will too!

    Liked by 1 person

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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