Rules Are Made To Be Broken

Taking an inadvertent blogging break due to all of the studying I’m doing, I came across a post I wrote (hey, poets need downtime, too, you know), about a deliberate blogging break I took in 2013:

When I have time on my hands like this, I start thinking about myself. Always a mistake.  Last time I had nothing to do, I set a few rules and general guidelines to make Tilly Bud Tilly Blooming Lovely, Inside And Out.  Tilly Blooming Lovely IAO is, I am sure, well-groomed, relaxed, affable, clean, and at peace with herself.  Everyone will love her. Tilly Bud: The Menopause Years, not so much.

Forgive the use of an old photo; I wanted to look my best for you.

The Rules:

Presentation:

• Tilly Bud shall forthwith cease and desist speaking of herself in the third person.
• I’ll stop the pompous balderdash as well.
• I will address the next lot of rules to ‘you’ because the use of first person negates the funny.  Take it as read that ‘you’ is ‘me’.

Diet:

• When you eat the last Malteser, don’t open another box for at least an hour.
• Stop eating: you cannot starve to death in a morning.
• Exercise is not the enemy.  Dance, be a flibbertigibbet, chase the Hub around the house.
• Galaxy Bubbles are not an acceptable substitute for Maltesers.  Nor are Galaxy Bars, Galaxy Ripples or Galaxy Minstrels.
• They can, however, be enjoyed as a side dish.

Home:

• Never miss an opportunity to clean.
• The synchronicity of a dust bunny behind the couch and a vacuum cleaner in your hand should never be overlooked.

Computer:

• Nothing bad will happen if you stay offline for ten minutes.
• If your hand resembles a claw, put down the mouse and step away from the laptop.

Family:

• It’s okay to be nice to the Hub.
• Really.
• Just because your child didn’t call doesn’t mean A) you are a bad mother or B) he doesn’t love you.  It means he’s a bad son who doesn’t appreciate your stretch marks.
• Dogs are not substitute children.

Blog:

• It’s okay to be nice about the Hub.
• Really.
• Serendipity gave him to you; keep him sweet by throwing out the occasional compliment.

General:

• Stupid is as stupid does: pick a side.
• Life is like a box of chocolates: you can be a soft centre and a nut.
• Really.
• Forrest Gump is not the Oracle.  And that’s all I have to say about that.
• Never miss an opportunity to laugh (the first point under ‘Home’ refers)

This post first appeared five years ago.  Tilly Bud has since learned that the rules only work if you adhere to them.