Joke 874

Hollywood Birds – The Actors (Photo credit: DonnaGrayson)

A director is screen testing Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger for a new film about classical composers.  Knowing how big stars are divas, he asks Sly who he would like to play.

Stallone says, “I like Mozart. I want to be Mozart.”

The director says, “Very well, you can be Mozart.” Then he turns to Arnie and says, “Arnie, who would you like to play?”

Arnie says, “Ah’ll be Bach!”

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From Funnydb.NET

 

Hair Of The Dog

Image via Wikipedia

Arts Jobs – Wig Mistress

This email was in my inbox this morning.  I didn’t bother opening it: I didn’t want to lose the mystery of what it might be: a request from Donald Trump, perhaps?

Is that real hair?  Does anybody know?  With all of his money, he could afford a better rug, a full hair transplant or even a new hairdresser.

Words are funny, the way they conjure images.  ‘Hippopotami’ always makes me laugh, though they’re nasty creatures who kill more people than lions do.  An animal that round and ugly has no business being grumpy…oh, wait…

I was sad to discover that about hippopotami; almost as sad as when I discovered cheese & onion crisps are not considered one of the major food groups. 

Lord Goldsmith once said, ‘A man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy.’  What a jerk.  I wonder if he and Arnold Schwarzenegger know each other?

Arnold Schwarzennegger…now there’s a man who ought to be given a Brazilian by the cheated wives of America…I’ll be waxed.

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PS: Relieved

Sony, intimidated by my threat to mobilise the world, have fixed the problem. Or, to be strictly accurate, the PS3 has fixed the problem itself. Just what we need: intelligent computers. A few tiny steps from sentience and then we’ll have Arnold Schwarzenneggers all over the place.

Let me terminate this topic by telling you that Spud is at this very moment catching up on last night’s playing; I can hear him muttering parent-approved swear words under his breath (blast/fart/crap). He reminds me of his father, who would come home from work in the early days of our marriage and play games on his monochrome screened, 20 megabyte hard driven computer, and scream the foulest language at it. When I asked him why he played them when they had such a deleterious effect on his mood, he replied, ‘Because it relaxes me,’ proving that even back in the Eighties computers were already smarter than some people.