Tag Archives: Blog

Season Break

22 Dec
prozac

prozac (Photo credit: Life Mental Health)

I’m what doctors technically refer to as ‘knackered’, so I’m taking a break from blogging and other stuff.  I won’t be posting, reading or commenting.

Please don’t be offended if I unsubscribe from your blogs – spending my break deleting emails is not what I have in mind to do over the next month.

Thanks for all the support.

I’ll see you in February!

 

I’m Not Giving Up Blogging…

23 Mar

…but I have to scale back

For a while, at least.

In the past few months my visits to your blogs have been intermittent at best; and in the past two weeks, almost non-existent.   I struggle to find the time but I don’t want to neglect you.  Not returning your visits is bad manners and I apologise.  Interaction is a huge part of what makes blogging fun; no interaction, and it’s just me talking at you.  I have battled guilt about it; guilt always wins. That has reduced my enjoyment of blogging.    

Peter Steiner's cartoon

Peter Steiner’s cartoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have decided to take the advice I always give to other bloggers who make these sort of Help! I’m drowning in unanswered comments! posts – if you’re not enjoying blogging, then stop.  I’m feeling a little burned out by blogging and it’s not as much fun as it used to be.

If you see me as rutilant – as I hope you do – you will naturally be devastated by my announcement, so I should make one thing clear:

I am not giving up blogging

  • I will continue to post my daily joke
  • I will post at least twice a week
  • More, if I feel like it
  • I will answer comments if I can
  • I will not visit you every day but I will try to visit more than I have been doing
  • I will understand if you decide to leave me, but don’t be surprised if I cry

If you don’t want the hassle of checking in every day in the understandable but forlorn hope that I might have deigned to talk to you today, you can always subscribe – third widget on the right then straight on for mourning.

Subscribers up = visits down but taking a hit on my hits is the least I deserve for my despicable dereliction of blogging duty.

I hope this is just a temporary situation and you’ll hang around to find out.  But I’m selfish like that.

Happy blogging!

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The two previous words:

Pleonasticthe use of more words than are necessary to express an idea. Guilty as charged.  Always.

Quozsomething queer or absurd.  Again, guilty as charged.

 

Seven Tips For New Bloggers

6 Aug
"blog"

“blog” (Photo credit: inju)

A lot of my subscribers are fairly new bloggers  (which, I suspect, is why they subscribe here – they don’t know any better).

Thank you, new subscribers, for subscribing, however misguided you may be.

Formalities over and naming no names, I have noticed some common errors on my visits to your new blogs, and I thought I would give you some tips that I wish had been given to me early on in my own blogging career:

  • Use no more than ten tags, including the category.  Any more than that and search engines think you are spam and put you to the bottom of the list.  Good tags encourage more hits.  Failing that, they garner amusing searches which you can shamelessly turn into their own posts.  Or is that just me?
  • Break up paragraphs.  It is difficult to read one huge block of text; people don’t have time to persevere or just can’t be bothered, and you might get hits because of your perfect tagging, but no possibility of a relationship with your visitors.  Short paragraphs/bullet points/photographs/bold/italics all make your post more attractive and easier to read. Your mantra should be:  Illustration Illustration Illustration. It is easy to upload your own photographs but if you don’t have any that are suitable, use Zemanta, to the right of your new post.  Type in a key word for a royalty-free illustration. 
    Punctuation ahead

    Punctuation ahead (Photo credit: mag3737)

     

  • Interact with your readers. Respond quickly to comments and always return visits, leaving a friendly comment when you do.  To begin with, it is worth having the Like and Comment Notifications sent to your email inbox; as you get busier you can turn it off again.  As your blog grows and becomes more time-consuming, your regulars will know that you are busy like them, but you won’t ignore them.
  • Use 140 character titles.  Search engines like them.  Get key words into the title.  If you can’t make it relevant, make it interesting or amusing, to catch readers’ attention.
  • Write right.  Bad punctuation, spelling and grammar can be off-putting. If it’s not a skill of yours, sign up to blogs that offer tips; turn on the spell checker (but bee warned: it is not infallible); and read read read!  Reading is the best way to improve your skills, find interesting topics to blog about, and to cultivate good blogging relationships.
  • Link to other blogs.  Links not only publicise those blogs you like (the only reason I do it, I swear), they encourage search engines to find you (a fortunate side-effect, that’s all).
  • Learn to count.  Readers get seriously annoyed if you promise them seven tips and only give six.

There are lots of other great tips, but these are the ones I think most important to new bloggers.

Blogs and Coffee

Blogs and Coffee (Photo credit: BrotherMagneto)

Here is a good link, which is in no way a shameful flatter of my WordPress masters in an attempt to get myself Freshly Pressed: sign up to The Daily Post; they send out all kinds of useful information.

Happy blogging!  Remember who set you on the right path when you are a superblogger, and throw a link my way (no slighting the hand that reads you).

Almost Done!

21 Apr

Dear Readers, thanks for your patience.

My little project is almost finished.  I calculate I need another three days, but I’m taking the weekend off to answer your comments – it’s going to take me a whole weekend.  What nice readers you are, talking to me as if I’m here.

As a thank you, here are some blogging jokes that will only be appreciated by bloggers.  They are from cartoons I found on the internet (bloggers don’t seem to write their own jokes about blogging; why is that?).  The links can be found at the bottom of the post.

mappa_blog

mappa_blog (Photo credit: francescopozzi)

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Blogger one: I have nothing to say.

Blogger Two: You should blog about it.

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Employee One to Employee Two: It’s time for my monthly report.  What’s a productive way of saying, ‘Surfed the web and hung out in chat rooms?’

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How many Bloggers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but at least six others have to write lengthy postings about the political ramifications of why we should even have the light bulb in the first place.

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Husband to Angry Wife: Of course I remembered our anniversary.  Didn’t you see my pingback this morning?

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What’s the difference between a blog and roadkill?

Fewer hits before it starts stinking.

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What’s the difference between starting a blog and going crazy?

One is a disorder caused by a severe personality imbalance and the other is a disorder caused by a severe personality imbalance.

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For the sources of these jokes (and the place to leave your outraged comments) go here:

For more Six Word Saturdays go here

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Please, WordPress, Save Me!

19 Dec
 
WordPress
Image by Adriano Gasparri via Flickr

If you are reading this, you are probably a subscriber (thanks for that, by the way; you are keeping me alive in the blogosphere).  I don’t know how anyone else is managing to read me – each time I write a new post, the white space on my home page gets bigger.  You have to scroll down to the backside of your monitor to read the last visible post, dated 15 December.

I could suppose that it is a glitch in the WordPress system, but they haven’t responded to my two emails and I do have a history of poking fun at the WordPress prompters…but the prompters are not the techies and the techies have always been quick to respond. 

Hmm.

Could it be that the prompters have kidnapped the techies to punish the techies for being more popular than the prompters; or is it a fiendish plot to stop the techies from helping their relentless tormentor?  Could it really be that I have an ego the size of Mohammed Ali and there is no correlation between my faulty blog and the absence of any help?  That they don’t even know I exist and it is all coincidence?

Hmm.

It doesn’t help that I have been rendered offblogging for several days.  I still have an appetite so I’m not yet a hospital case, but when I’d rather watch a bad movie than sit at the computer, I know I’ve been seriously unwell.  However, I’m on the mend now, and intend to hound the techies, bombarding them with polite requests to get a move on, please, if it’s not too much trouble, thank you.  I haven’t yet reached the begging stage and I can’t unwrite what I’ve written and wouldn’t anyway because you readers would lynch me (as soon as you found me hiding over in blogspot), but I’m getting there.  I blog; therefore I am.  I blog not; and a thousand bad movies are lined up to muddle my mind.  Not pretty.  Did you ever see Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes?  Not blogging would be like living in that dreadful film for eternity; or until I found a new writing outlet, like anonymous, harassing letters to blogging techies who let me down when I needed them most.

I’m rambling; blame the phlegm.  And the nogudnik techies out partying when they should be working.

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Image via Wikipedia

 

I now have to catch up with the many comments that you managed to leave.  I appreciate them; I do.  Thank you.  I like having hundreds of comments to read in Christmas week when I should be baking or shopping or drinking.  Think I could manage that last one, actually.  But the CoWAbunger announcement will be late because I can’t award it until I read your many, many, many comments.  Thank you again.

Really.

Anyone know where the WordPress techies live?  I won’t hurt them, I promise.

Really.

Chaos Weary

7 Sep
Time management matrix as described in Merrill...

Image via Wikipedia

Write post answer comments visit readers’ blogs clean the house walk the dogs make meals declutter the house declutter my head look after family write a haiku a day for thirty days post that haiku answer comments on other blog visit readers’ blogs on other blog walk the dogs oops did that already enter free competitions update task list do some tasks look after family oops did that already type up over one hundred poems print out over one hundred poems plus copies to go in notebooks write post oops did that already

Yes, I have a life exactly like yours.

I think Jackson Pollock says it best:

Screeeech!

31 Aug
Reaction of two people whose personal space ar...

Image via Wikipedia

That’s the sound of my head hitting the monitor when I saw the new ‘follow’ button which replaces the ‘subscribe’ button; and the sound I made when I went outside and bellowed at the world because WordPress can’t hear me.

I HATE it.  What are WordPress thinking?  And why so secret about it?  It just appeared.  Why not send us their usual email?  Did they know we would hate it, or did the prompt, Would you rather be a leader or a follower? indicate so many followers that they thought they could get away with it, without too much fuss?  Are we going to let them get away with this?  We are not!

What d’we want?

A subscription button!

When d’we wan’it?

Now!

Which reminds me of the joke Spud told me:

What d’we want?

Procrastination!

When d’we wan’it?

Next week!

This is not Facebook or Twitter; this is my own, personal space to say what I like for free and with no monthly charge…erm, well, okay, it is a bit like Facebook and Twitter.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like everything about it.  And I don’t like that possible new subscribers will now stay away in their thousands (what?  I’m an optimist) because they never hit ‘follow’ like I never hit ‘follow’, and don’t realise it’s a subscription button.

You just made my blog a flop, WordPress.  Thanks for nothing.

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To shout at WordPress, go here.  Thanks, Piglet in Portugal, for the tip-off.

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