Joke 885

Message on notice board at St Peter & St Paul, Shoreham (Photo credit: L2F1)

The following are actual church bulletin board bloopers found in churches across the United States.

• “Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on ‘It’s a Terrible Experience’.”
• “Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.”
• “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
• “A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.”
• “Today’s Sermon: ‘How Much Can a Man Drink?’ with hymns from a full choir.”
• On a church bulletin during the minister’s illness: “God is good – Dr. Hargreaves is better.”
• “Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.”
• “The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.”
• “Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.”
• “The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.”
• A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
• Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.

From ahajokes.

 

Hoist With My Own Facebook

Funny Church Signs (Photo credit: au_tiger01)

You know how I like sharing church bulletin errors for my daily joke?

I may be in the next one.

My church is made up of three congregations which merged two years ago. When it became clear that the Vicar, David, was going to implode under the weight of the work, seven ministries were set up to help him.  I am the team leader for our Communications Ministry (hey, desperation makes even the likes of me look attractive).

Tomorrow night, we have a Ministry Teams Leaders’ meeting at the vicarage, at which we will most definitely, absolutely and certainly not complain (it is vital that you know this, because of what follows).  We have nothing – and no-one, especially not vicars – to complain about,  because we all love what we do and don’t need paying for it, not even one hundredth of a dong (you don’t believe me?  So xu me).

One of my jobs is to post details of our activities on Facebook.  If you are not on Facebook, I’d better explain something: when you type Such and such is happening @ such and such, the @ causes Facebook to offer names for you to link to, and puts it in the appropriate spot.  I always ignore them.  Or so I thought…

Today’s Facebook post – check Tuesday at 19:30:

But you know what really incensed me?   The space I created between tomorrow night’s meeting and Wednesday’s date disappeared.  

Formatting errors – now that is a crime.

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Previous Two Words:

Weltschmerz: sentimental pessimism.  Kind of how I feel every time I read my friends’ Facebook statuses.

Vilipend: to regard or treat as of little value or account.  What I just did to my Facebook friends, right before they all de-friended me.